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11:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Sharona's leaving for real this time. The show is apparently moving in a "new creative direction" and she's going to be replaced by a sassy maid or some actress who doesn't want a raise. [++link]
12:22 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I had a friend who lived in Altlanta for a while, having moved from DC. I asked him about the differences, and he said driving was a lot more stressful in Atlanta. I asked him if this was just a sprawl/congestion issue, and he said yes, though exacerbated by the fact that at any time of day a minimum of 20% of your fellow motorists were shitfaced drunk. [++link]
3:40 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
4:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Recently discovered CartoonBrew, which is definitely nifty enough to rate a permalink. Because I am seven. [++link]
11:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I am not going to actually link to throwthejewdownthewell.com, I'm just going to bring it to your attention. [++link]
3:32 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Leslie Van Houten has been denied parole again, two days after her 55th birthday. I am not entirely without compassion for her, since I did some things when I was 19 that I cannot conceive of doing at my current age. But I didn't participate in the terror-murder of two complete strangers and then raid their fridge.
[Girlfriend Liz asks: "Why again were death row sentences changed to life as opposed to life without possibility of parole?" Anybody know this one?]
[++link]
12:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Killer Bees! Oklahoma! Furthest North Yet! Lame, lame lame!!!
Who cares about flying cars and all that 50s kitsch; I'm pissed that all the stuff they scared us with in the 70s turned out to be such crap.
[++link]
11:59 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Elisabeth Kübler Ross has reached the sixth stage at age 78. [++link]
3:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Interactive map of the Mall section of DC, covering the Capitol to the Lincoln memorial. Almost everyone reading this blog knows all this stuff on a genetic level, of course, but I liked the nifty interface and old-skool SimCity look. [++link]
12:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Finally catching up on this season of Da Ali G Show, thank you TiVo, my squat little one-eyed friend. I normally skip the Borat segments, but happened to catch wind of the "Throw the Jew" song, and oh dear.
Since I have no sense whatsoever, I decided to google "Throw the Jew" just to see what the word is, and apparently the controversy still rages three weeks after air date. By "controversy", I mean "flailing, humor-free rhetorical cripplefight".
All I learned from the experience is that Google now has a boilerplate explanation of the search results that appears in lieu of any sponsored ads when you search on the word "Jew".
[++link]
8:28 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Just in case there was anyone left out there who wasn't sure that Kindly Uncle William and Roast Beef are the same person. [++link]
4:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Senator Kennedy has found himself on the DHS no-fly list. This really does sound like a prank. I'm betting that Amanda Hugginkiss and Heywood Jablomi are also in the database of terrorist aliases. [++link]
1:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Huge, muppet-like goon Richard Reid is suing over the conditions in the supermax prison where he will spend the rest of his life. You may remember Rich as the man resposible for your having to take your shoes off last time you got on a plane.
Rich, who is so clearly a fucking genius, is complaining about his isolation and lack of access to religious screeds. Sorry you're bored, shitlicker. I'd point out that the additional security measures imposed on you are the only thing keeping you alive, but I do not wish you a long life.
[++link]
3:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
New thing that sucks about Blogger/Blogspot, in addition to the wacky tendency to render characters in links as HTML special character codes: What the FUCK is up with the stupid fucking search bar at the top of the page? This page, that bar, the FUCK?
God damn you idiots, I don't have time to rejigger for Movable Type.
[++link]
2:45 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Now this is the way to get people interested in politics: promise us Presidential debates that involve feather boas, groin injuries, and folding chairs upside the head. God knows they'd be equally scripted and stagey. [++link]
1:31 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Excuse me, I have to go donate my life savings to the DNC and the ACLU now. [++link]
1:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"Ultimately, those who are voting are either bad anarchists or not anarchists at all," according to an attendee at this year's Anarchists' Convention. I'd hasten to point out that the real real real anarchists are outside the convention throwing trashcans and spraying approved slogans on corporate coffee bars, Mr. Sellout. [++link]
1:09 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
You know what I don't give a shit about? The Olympics. I'm happy to watch female jocks of all stripes exerting themselves in superhero costumes, but that is not the same thing as caring.
What do I care about? The next Harry Potter book. Because I am not a 38-year-old man, I am two 12 year olds and a 14 year old.
[++link]
9:48 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
If we all promised not to watch this stuff, they'd probably stop making it. How many train wrecks does one society need? What will make the "reality TV" buzz wears off? [++link]
5:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I needed some good news just about now: Repellent shit Craig Kilborn has gotten on the hubris train and decided to pursue other opportunities. This raises the possibility that he will completely disappear in less than a year. [++link]
12:05 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Julia Child is dead at 91, and still better than Martha Stewart. [++link]
4:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
What's a grown man doing keeping hamsters? [++link]
5:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
1:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
According to a chick at MIT who managed to write a thesis based on cruising amihotornot.com, men whose names contain front vowel sounds are perceived as more attractive than others. (Note that the 'i' in Will is a front vowel.) [++link]
11:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Some pack of bluenoses has been waiting three years for an FCC obscenity ruling on that Buffy ep where Buffy & Spike fuck a house down around their ears. I suspect there are more than a few Spuffy shippers at the FCC. [++link]
5:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers Badgers STONEHENGE STONEHENGE [++link]
3:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Six people beaten to death with aluminum bats over the loss of an Xbox and some shitty sportswear. Can't you get an Xbox for the cost of six aluminum bats?
What amazes me about this is the community response. Six people murdered, gore caked on the ceilings, a girl so extensively smashed up that dental records were useless, and a grieving citizenry is right there, johnny-on-the-spot with the memorials: plastic flowers and fucking teddy bears hanging from stick crucifixes. Is this a hobby, like ultramorbid scrapbooking?
[++link]
12:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Terry Nichols has received 161 life sentences for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing. Average male lifespan is about 74 years, so we're going to have to build a jail for him that will still be standing and secure for 12,000 years. I suggest a design competition. [++link]
10:17 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
In more ways than one, homeboy here needs a checkup from the neck up. A complimentary trial subscription to Sit Down and Shut the Fuck Up is on its way. [++link]
4:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Hail and Farewell... Bitch! [++link]
3:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"Right, it's corn, Julio. You say you want TP for your bunghole?" [++link]
12:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It's a long way from the LaserDome to Broadway. [++link]
12:11 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The Jerry Springer opera? Fuck that. Get me tickets to Silence of the Lambs: The Musical. [++link]
2:50 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
He is definitely not the Buddha, but if you meet him on the road, kill him. [++link]
2:40 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
It may not be a crime any longer, but it still pegs out my euw-ick!-o-meter. Let's make a deal: we promise to ignore you, and you promise to go very very very far away, sit down, and shut the fuck up. Oh, and for the love of God, stop breeding. [++link]
12:32 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Furries on trial: There is no wonderful thing about this. [++link]
11:02 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The search is on for the most beautiful German word. Next week, we go looking for the sexiest skin disease. [++link]
1:01 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Oh dude, I can't believe I missed the premiere!!! I think it's better than Episode Two, but it's hard to compare with Episode One. I dunno man, it seems kinda derivative...
[++link]
12:18 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
10:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Write this one down: I've found an issue on which I am in total agreement with Bill Maher and Michael Moore.
[++link]
8:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
New joys of working in DC: Orange Alerts specifically covering buildings on my path to the office and where dear friends work. Mind you, we've apparently had this multi-pronged Pigsticker of Damocles hanging there for four years, so I have a lot of stress and paranoia to catch up on.
[++link]
1:40 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Another almost certain sign of the Apocalypse. Or at least enough to cause wailing, gnashing of teeth, and rending of garments.
[++link]
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