Contact
EnormousFun {at} gmail [dot] com

Monday, September 30, 2002

11:26 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Please forgive a moment of response and commentary; I'm at work way too late...

1. The author of Will's last reference? A friend of mine from grad school; she came up to visit on Friday. Always get a charge when I see her byline; never feel jealous that she has cool bylines and I have silly webpages with no credits on them.
2. As I am going to Paris in November (for my birthday!), I promise to come back with lots of cheap-shots-fodder for Will.
3. Speaking of places that require sterility...
4. You want a reliable indicator of dick size, try proximity to Maggie. She says that, in her experience, skinny guys have big dicks, so maybe Will's theory about a small gut is dead on.  [++link]

9:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The French sheltered this guy for over a decade, swearing that he was a gentle intellectual persecuted by stoo-peed Americannzz. Yes, they actually bought that old "the CIA are after me because I know about their mind control weapons" gag. I almost could almost feel a pang of guilt for teasing furverts. But I feel it is my duty as an American to take every cheap shot at the French that I can reach from this chair.  [++link]

8:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I am not alone in my quest to make this the Furry-Mockingest Year Ever.  [++link]

8:51 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You know that funny hand-napalm "sanitizer" goo that all my friends thought was going to breed a new strain of methicillin-resistant staph bacteria that would kill us all like marauding alien murder barges? Well, it's not just for OCD sufferers and overprotective parents anymore: Yes, it's being used in places that actually require sterility...  [++link]

7:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You want a reliable indicator of dick size, try proximity to Joan Jett.  [++link]

7:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Stuff you knew to be true, in your suety, bloated heart: 1. Gut size is an indicator of cardiac arrest risk, 2. Shoe size is not an indicator of dick size. I recommend that you console/motivate yourself with the notion that your cock looks bigger if your gut is smaller.

  [++link]

9:49 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Does he count as a "furry" for fun-making purposes?   [++link]

12:07 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I would like to declare 2002 to be The Year of Making Fun of Furverts. Why? Well, (a) why not, and (b) because furries make stuff like this disturbing on even more levels.  [++link]

Saturday, September 28, 2002

9:54 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Word is that KinderSurprise chocolate eggs aren't sold in the U.S. because some goddamn hippies think that the toys inside present choking hazards for small children. I think the main reason, though, is that some promotional tie-ins are just too bizarre for translation.   [++link]

9:38 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Really, I think they got the motive for this one here wrong. We're not talking commercial heist here, we're talking Terry Gilliam fans run amok. But this one I like even better: European frat-boy pranks are so much more sophisticated, don't you think?   [++link]

Friday, September 27, 2002

6:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You can ask these questions if you must, but really, if you are willing to eat something called a banger, you can't pretend you care.   [++link]

Thursday, September 26, 2002

3:15 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Forgot to mention that last Thursday was National Pirate Day.  [++link]

3:13 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Hi everybody. I am told I've been missed. Yeah, me too. Swear to God I am not making this up: today for some reason I was thinking about the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, and thinking about the scene where HAL figures out what's going on by reading his passengers' lips...then Dave has to get into HAL's brain and deactivate big chunks of him...and then I got home tonight and saw Will's p.s. to the Achewood post down four entries below.

Yeah, it's time for me to come back to the blog. Every now and then the universe just hands you a big ol' plate of shrimp, and there's nothing you can do but grab a fork and dig in.   [++link]

1:42 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Speaking of eating brains......  [++link]

12:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Everyone involved in this deserves whatever they get, up to and incuding having their brains eaten out of their skulls by monkeys.  [++link]

12:12 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

A bunch of Eastern European women got taken into custody in Amsterdam after it was discovered that they had been smuggled in illegally by white slavers. The cops are about to send them home, and in steps the Prostitute's Union, who say the women should be allowed the opportunity to remain in Holland and freely practice the profession. Two thing: 1. Only in Holland, baby, and 2. Is there really that much of a labor shortfall in the red light district?  [++link]

11:27 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Found that Achewood cartoon I was looking for, with Phillipe and the sneakers. (This is part of the new EF policy of posting whatever is drifting through my head as if I was the HAL 9000 having his chips yanked.)  [++link]

12:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In a recent nosey-parker survey of people's office-hours webslacking habits, only 2% would confess to looking at pornography at work. I'd like to think that's about the percentage of people who will actually consider wanking in the office toilets. Any higher and I'll start using the bushes.  [++link]

12:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

We're still waiting for the next Weebl & Bob. All of us, I know. Luckily there's other stuff he does to tide us over.   [++link]

12:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Google Follies: I was curious about the literal translation of the word "ninja", and so decided to google the phrase "ninja which means". I wish there was some way of making a living as a semiotician that didn't involve marketing or dealing with college kids.  [++link]

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

3:52 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm shocked to report that in a blatant violation of our first amendment rights to use and abuse the indigent in any way that amuses us (it doesn't say that in the constitution, but it's there in spirit), the Bumfight guys are now in jail. Hope they brought a camera.  [++link]

3:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

And now, your moment of not at all very zen (nor cricket).  [++link]

3:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"Like the local economy, Japan's condom market has been a dry and barren wasteland for much of the past decade. But now, one of its largest manufacturers has come up with a new product it hopes will help the rubber market rebound."  [++link]

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

2:06 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

And now, your moment of zen.  [++link]

10:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It continues: Miss Universe Oksana Fyodorova has been officially stripped of her title for being... wait for it... a Tubby Bitch.  [++link]

Monday, September 23, 2002

9:50 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

That "tubby bitch" post reminds me: anybody seen Jason Mewes?   [++link]

9:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

MIT has decided to put a huge load of coursework online. For free.

This is seriously old-skool "knowledge wants to be free" zero-profit-motive Internet pie-in-the-sky hippieshit, folks. Think I might audit me a class or two in my copious free time, presuming this doesn't blow up in their faces inside of a week...  [++link]

11:45 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Yes, sure, great idea: boycott American food. It will turn you into a tubby bitch as well as a superstitious fucking peasant.  [++link]

11:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

That cow who was caught pounding her daughter on videotape? Turns out she's a Piker.  [++link]

Friday, September 20, 2002

11:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Marilyn Manson: pretentious twat or pretentious renaissance twat?  [++link]

11:06 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Greyhounds rule.  [++link]

11:01 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

New brand of potato-squeezin's for that hairy bog-savage who's got the Bond franchise. Money well-spent, since an embedded commerical in a Bond movie totally adds cache to a product.  [++link]

10:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

New Harry Potter book is still without a release date. What's that woman been doing with her time?  [++link]

Thursday, September 19, 2002

10:54 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

West Brom wants a more visible police presence. Apparently the solution is fatter cops.  [++link]

10:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This makes me nervous. I don't know if it would be better or worse if I actually knew squat about particle physics.  [++link]

10:50 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Webster's has a 400-word standard response for people who write in griping about how they include "nucular" as an alternate pronunciation for "nuclear". I could do that in two words.  [++link]

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

1:15 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Alien vs. Predator? Kid stuff. Strap on some Havrilesky vs. Palahniuk.  [++link]

12:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Things I didn't know #134567: Yasser Arafat's first name is Mohammed. Yasser, which means "Easy", is a childhood nickname. I'm assuming that the western press adopted Yasser as standard so they could distinguish him from every other Mohammed on the world stage. It doesn't seem likely that he threw a J-Lo diva fit about his brand...  [++link]

12:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

What's more fun to write than a parody Q&A? Not much.   [++link]

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

12:11 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm surmising that our president's new strategy is to shield himself from mockery by feeding us such easy material that only the most meager of wit can be bothered with it.   [++link]

9:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Screenwriter Karey Kirkpatrick has come onboard to co-adapt the screenplay of Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy." Karey scripted Chicken Run and a bunch of drooling children's pap. This does not bode well. Not that Adam's books were adult fare, but they were certainly not meant to be targeted straight for the Xtreme Fidgeting demographic.  [++link]

9:36 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In an effort to care about at least one sport, I've been watching soccer. My hope is that my PBS-induced Anglophilia will kick in and I'll develop an irrational loyalty to Leeds United, or better yet, Tottenham Hotspur. I already have an irrational hatred of Manchester United, the Dallas Cowboys of Britain. I'd try to develop a passion for our local team, DC United, but (a) it's actually easier to keep up with international soccer coverage if you don't have a satellite dish and (b) DC United are getting killed this year.

My current short-term goal is to fully comprehend the offsides rule. Sounds easy, but no.  [++link]

Monday, September 16, 2002

6:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Ciggies and coffee are good for you this week, if you were going to use them anyway.  [++link]

4:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

For those of you who have clicked the Mister Pants link (under Weblogs, on your left, no other left) and been left headscratching as to why I never retired the link, well, it's because I had faith.  [++link]

1:10 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Watched a bit of Pleasantville (the movie, not the lite-angsty capeless superboy thing, which is Smallville anyway) and mostly just liked the soundtrack. Did, however, take note that Riley and Jonathan from Buffy had bit parts.

Just letting you all know what I do with the hours of the day I'm not webtrawling or sleeping.  [++link]

Friday, September 13, 2002

2:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fashion imbeciles and old-skool rubber fetishists will both be immensely pleased with this year's boots.  [++link]

11:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Mark my words, chaps, this will be the most Photoshop-manipulated photo of the year.   [++link]

1:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Are you an American? You probably are, though I get a surprising number of hits from German perverts who are searching for pictures of Enormous Dicks. (Sorry, Klaus.) If you are interested, you can check here and see if you are culturally American, then compare and contrast your worldview with the Finns, Brazilians, or Texans.  [++link]

Thursday, September 12, 2002

4:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

They do things their own damn way in Santa Cruz, which you have to respect. Like the Amish, only flakier and exhuding a wildly different set of ambient odors.  [++link]

3:45 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

"The test tube penile parts were successfully used to rebuild the members of rabbits who -- after rest and recuperation -- put them to the use that rabbits are famous for."   [++link]

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

11:36 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This, on the other hand is a great strip. (It takes some getting used to.)  [++link]

11:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This isn't a fantastic cartoon, but it's promising, and I want it to be known that I can be swayed by anti-Julia Roberts sentiments and the presence of beagle puppies. (I don't watch Enterprise for the Vulcan booty, no matter what y'heard.)  [++link]

11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, some crank tried to make Buzz Aldrin swear on a bible that he'd really been to the moon. Buzz did the wrong thing, he really did, but he's 72 and risked his life for his country more than once. Teach that goofball to harass an old man.  [++link]

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

11:35 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

First Newsweek calls it elegant and pretty, then Slate asserts that the wall is "one of the great public spaces in the world," listing it with the Great Wall of China. Damn, now I'm going to fight off the tourists every time I go home.   [++link]

11:04 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

They've had humvees stationed on route 110 by the Pentagon exits for nearly a year now, with heavy machine gun mounts pointed at oncoming traffic. I got used to looking at the poor guys sitting there in all weather, sweating or freezing, while I was driving to the Target to get light bulbs and such. Tactically, I don't know why they were there; not much they could do against a determined truck bomber, much less another jet. Symbolically, I kind of get it. I may be alone in this, but I'd much rather have seen these deployed much earlier.  [++link]

10:50 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The telemarketers get it.   [++link]

10:22 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I love the Boondocks, and I don't care what you say.   [++link]

Monday, September 09, 2002

11:19 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"But without stuff, how would we heal? How would we signal to ourselves that the coast was clear, that life could get back to normal? Thus, one year later, the grace period for good taste has officially expired, and the stores are brimming with 9/11 merchandise." Heather Havrilesky, inimitably, on the 9/11 anniversary.  [++link]

Friday, September 06, 2002

5:31 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Do you know Leon? You must know Leon. Heed him. Love him.  [++link]

3:44 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Get ready to get your hobbit on.  [++link]

2:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I wasn't smelling your spicy brains.  [++link]

1:14 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Erggh, I feel kinda funny.  [++link]

12:12 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

More neo-Nazi subliminal brand manipulation.   [++link]

12:09 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

And since we're returning to familiar themes, woo hoo, looks like an attempt to legitimize the Canuck weed export biz.   [++link]

Thursday, September 05, 2002

11:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No, it's not a digital morph of Buddy Hackett and Paul Sorvino's ass. And you should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at the man, he's seriously ill. Then again, when was the last time anyone laughed at Jerry Lewis?  [++link]

11:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Sorry about the cheap, repetitive Bush-bashing. Here, cute baby panda.   [++link]

11:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Shitting Christ. Our president's family seat is in Kennebunk, Maine. He went to prep school in Andover, Connecticut. He's not a Texan, he's not a southerner, and he's as "folksy" as Bertie Fucking Wooster. He's had the benefit of very expensive private education all his life, and he should not only speak better English than he does (I stand by his inability to use the language as proof of his unexceptional brainpower), he should leave the amusing idioms to persons not charged with leading the free world in a time of serious conflict.  [++link]

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

1:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I swear, I'm going to kill the blog until October if they don't stop hyping the 9/11 anniversary like it's the new fucking Spielberg movie.

There have been low-flying helicopters roaring over my apartment all day. I'm assuming they're coming from Fort Myer. It's putting some strain on my nerves.
  [++link]

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

12:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You know those online petitions to bring back Invader Zim and Greg the Bunny? They didn't work, exactly, but you felt like you were making an effort. Please sign this petition, okay? It's important. I wasn't really worried about Seth Green's career arc, but I am seriously concerned about somebody's mom being killed with rocks.  [++link]

10:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's not that I care so much about N'Sync or any of the lousy boy bands and what they represent. It's more that... No, wait, it did really piss me off that some demographically manufactured smirking cunt of a pop idol decided he could treat space exploration like a baseball fantasy camp and spend millions to be a space monkey, and I'm glad it fucked up for him.   [++link]

12:31 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"He is Muslim, he is flying and he has a gun and it's close to 11 September -- that makes people draw quick conclusions," says the Swedish Johnny Cochran.  [++link]

12:12 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Just read Philip Pullman's deservedly lauded His Dark Materials trilogy. Also picked up a copy of Neil Gaiman's new children's book Coraline. And hey, here's Pullman reviewing Coraline.   [++link]

Monday, September 02, 2002

11:05 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Six men are going to hang in Pakistan for participating in the tribal council-ordered gang rape of a lower-caste woman. The rape was ordered because of a story fabricated to cover up the earlier homosexual gang rape of the victim's brother. My guess now is that the human rights folks are going to rush to the defense of the men sentenced to hang, since the death penalty and hanging in particular are inhumane and cruel.
  [++link]

10:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I can't help loving the Boondocks.   [++link]

^top^

all text and images © are dead

2004 archive
january+
february+
march+
april+
may+
june+
july+
august+
september+
october+
november+
december+
2003 archive
january+
february+
march+
april+
may+
june+
july+
august+
september+
october+
november+
december+
2002 archive
january+
february+
march+
april+
may+
june+
july+
august+
september+
october+
november+
december+ 2001 archive
september+
october+
november+
december+