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Wednesday, October 31, 2001

4:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Oooh, apparently it was Bruno Magli who got splattered with ignominy by the OJ murders. Rather than edit that post, I will let it stand as a humiliating reminder of why I let Maggie handle shoe-related issues.  [++link]

11:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Manolo Blahnik is clearly still smarting from his embarrassing association with OJ.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

10:46 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++

"Hackman said he had 'no recollection' of being kicked in the groin." Gene Hackman is 71.  [++link]

10:12 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Quisling, I recently discovered, is an eponym. It's namesake is Vidkun Quisling, leader of the Nasjional Samling party in Norway, formed by collaborators after the Nazis invaded in 1940. Vidkun got his in 1945. So it formally means traitor. How embarassing, since I always took it to mean something closer to pissant. Fortunately even I am not such a bloviating pedant as to use "Quisling" in conversation.  [++link]

9:31 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I went to a high school named after Winston Churchill, and in spite of this admire the man, not least his erudition. I am apparently not alone, seeing as so many of our current leaders are wearing out that lengthy section of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations (in which they quote Winston praising the habit of reading BFQ). No one has yet trotted out "To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war", but there's always hope.   [++link]

Monday, October 29, 2001

1:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I blogged this six months ago. I'm blogging it again because Bob the Angry Flower kicks ass and it never hurts to remind folks that we knew the Taliban were fuckers.  [++link]

9:37 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I don't have TV access at home (long story), so I discover cool shows way behind the curve. Which is why I only now am hyping the piss out of Samurai Jack, which is a completely fantastic cartoon. If you hate shrill anime-style cartoons, which I can understand, you will drool for SJ's cool, restrained, hep-cat design palette. Design geeks will note the clear influence of tiki god Shag.  [++link]

Sunday, October 28, 2001

12:15 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Heather Havrilesky, a.k.a. Former Suck columnist Polly Esther, has not abandoned us entirely. Oh no. Like all well-adjusted and creatively robust writers, she has a blog.  [++link]

Friday, October 26, 2001

4:07 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

I guess all bad news really does have a silver lining. So, which side of that lining are you on, useless but healthy or cool and infectious?  [++link]

10:37 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Maori have gone after Lego, looking for a bit of Utu.  [++link]

Thursday, October 25, 2001

11:50 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Have I lost my mind, or did Prince Philip (The Duke of Edinburgh) make a public statement without thoroughly insulting anyone? Check me on this, I have to have missed something.  [++link]

1:07 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

For your further delectation: the same guy reviews Bread-in-a-Can, too.   [++link]

12:52 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

If you or any of your friends didn't know about Coffee Milk, well, now you do. Also, you have the rare pleasure of reading a product review that describes its subject as "distinctively okay". A real review, too, not one of those [fucking hilarious] "Ratings" bits by The Brunching Shuttlecocks' Lore Fitzgerald-Sjöberg.  [++link]

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

5:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Remember, UK tourism was deep, deep in the shitter after the whole foot 'n' mouth debacle, and now with recent events... Anyway, with that for context, this decision is not such a big old shock.  [++link]

2:29 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

I like Harry Belafonte even more now.  [++link]

12:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm going to need a good night's sleep and a whole pot of coffee before I tackle part two of this...  [++link]

12:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Contrary to popular belief, the Swiss just love handing over huge sums of money. Oh wait, no they don't.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

8:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

We have no idea what this site is about, except that it is exceedingly fla5hy kewl. We smugly conclude it must be Art.  [++link]

7:17 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Yeah, yeah, I'm sort of back. Your faithful Foreign Affairs Desk Chief is taking a break. I figure if I tell you enough about my vacation, you won't miss me and I can stay here forever.

You see, I can tumble out of bed in the morning (i.e., sometime before noon), roll on to the balcony, drink some kona blend coffee (or some kick-ass cherry soda) and watch these little guys frolicking all day. Tell me why I should want to leave.  [++link]

6:45 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

One more for the "Where do I send my resume?" series...  [++link]

2:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Yes, it's my real name. Although I am not, to my chagrin, the eccentric founder of Dog World magazine.  [++link]

12:48 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

This is for my roommate, who has recently discovered that if she just learns how to draw, she won't have to be yet another twatty Abstract Expressionist like the other kids in school.   [++link]

Monday, October 22, 2001

5:05 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

I'm not sure I'm supposed to find this funny, but I do. This is the most useful Zagat review I've ever read.  [++link]

12:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Once again, California leads the world in Missile Tit technology.  [++link]

12:07 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I got your smart bomb right here. Apparently.  [++link]

12:05 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Take a moment to welcome City Desk Reporter Joan "C" Matelli to the Blog. Polite applause, no catcalls, you thugs.  [++link]

12:00 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dipshit. There is an explanation for this, but it doesn't make me feel much better.  [++link]

11:59 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Civil liberties are always the first thing to go in a national security crisis.  [++link]

11:54 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Oxymoron du jour, lest we forget, is: "Smart Bomb".   [++link]

Sunday, October 21, 2001

3:57 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

QuipWatch 2001: New Acronym for a New America.  [++link]

Friday, October 19, 2001

5:03 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

It's really not worth the time it takes to guess who said what. The quotations in the answer section are edifying, though, and might come in handy if you get into any arguments with religious fanatics. Although, why anyone would want to do that is beyond me. What, when there are so many nice brick walls ripe for bashing one's own head against? At any rate, enjoy. It's a veritable multicultural melange of millennial madness, I tell you what.
  [++link]

4:23 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Get Your War On!!! This has a lot of bad words in it. Not like that will stop you.  [++link]

1:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Douglas Coupland always reminds me of dystopian near-futurist and fellow Canadian William Gibson. Even more so lately.  [++link]

1:43 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Small, good things: four of them, in fact.  [++link]

11:44 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Anyone who's ever tried to talk with me in a bar will find this familiar. Except that I do it without a soundtrack.  [++link]

10:15 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Andy Warhol's favorite movie is out on DVD this week. Ebert likes it, too.   [++link]

10:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Not that this is an earth-shattering news item (Italian leader = bozo), but scroll down to the second photo and tell me that isn't Peter Sellers.  [++link]

Thursday, October 18, 2001

7:07 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Okay, I know it's really immature and like, sooo eigth grade, but I can't help myself: Oded Fehr. Oded Fehr. Oded Fehr. Oded Fehr. Sigh.

Damn. Now I'm going to have to go and get all hooked on "UC: Undercover."  [++link]

5:10 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Clowns are evil, as we all know. But how deep does it go?   [++link]

9:51 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Had a song stuck in my head for the past couple days.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

11:54 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tim McVeigh, who killed 168 people without reason or remorse, was a model prisoner and went to his death without a fuss. This compounds my loathing for him to a degree I cannot explain.  [++link]

5:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Food & Lifestyles Reporter Magdelena R. Kennedy, who joins us from the city of Man, Man, Man, Manhattan.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 16, 2001

6:44 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

About a year ago, I went to Japan, in cahoots with the International Date Line to delay turning 30 by a few hours. Everywhere I went, someone was cooking takomaki in a small storefront. I finally caved and tried the roasted octopus balls, and ended up fleeing to a McDonald's. Now there's a takomaki joint in the East Village. Trust me, they're no better on this coast.  [++link]

5:52 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Just like your poor, neglected bichon, your furniture acts up when you leave it home alone too often.  [++link]

11:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I was under the impression that the Japanese had the "cute" concept totally sewn up. Then they come up with a huge, misshapen robot cat with Jabba the Hutt's face... Euccch. Goodbye Kitty.  [++link]

11:27 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

How to convince fundamentalist Muslims that we are only at war with the bad guys? Run some snappy ads on Saudi TV! Oh, shit, we really are the stupidest people on earth...  [++link]

10:54 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Professor "Screaming" Stephen Hawking is going to get a reputation as a good interview if he keeps up the 80s sci-fi prophesizing.  [++link]

Monday, October 15, 2001

10:17 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Dino Ignacio, founder of the Bert Is Evil cult, has chosen to shut down his site, having seen his pet meme immortalized by clueless fundie thickos. Some people would have taken free media exposure like this and run like hell with it, cashed in and laughed til they puked. Respect to Dino for providing, inadvertently, the first good laugh related to these events, and having the grace to walk away.  [++link]

Sunday, October 14, 2001

11:05 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You could read this news a number of ways: (a) No matter how unspeakable your crimes, if you wait around long enough, someone will outdo you so hideously that you won't seem worth bothering with; (b) Whatever you may have been told in college, Joseph Conrad wasn't entirely wrong about Africa; (c) Even Idi Amin Dada doesn't want to be associated with the Saudis these days.  [++link]

10:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So the deal here is that once they reintroduce wolves to the countryside, they want them to be able to dine on familiar, native species. I suppose.  [++link]

4:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Pop Quiz: What are those conspiracy geeks who think that the British Royal Family are the ones pulling the strings behind all the evil in the world called? I don't remember. Anyway, they'll love this bit of news.  [++link]

Saturday, October 13, 2001

4:40 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

And here's the comic relief: The Phantom Menace: the abridged script. By some guy dubiously named Rod Hilton, and published by my buddy Joe Crowe. Joe loves geek genre fiction/media and comics, and he's very funny. If you like to write and you are into similar stuff, he will publish your work online and make you famous. Yes, I am shamelessly plugging his website. Enjoy.   [++link]

Friday, October 12, 2001

4:58 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

In a perhaps unprecedented episode, the Immigration & Naturalization Service** admits, “We are complete and total assholes.” There's no apology like a forced, official, public apology, say I.

**("Service" to be understood in the barnyard sense of the word)   [++link]

11:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I've been saying my entire adult life that I wouldn't live in New York City if the rest of the world turned to orange slime, so I didn't consider Giuliani to be my problem. He seemed like a man on a mission, that being to make sure that fun was much harder to find in NYC and eventually to turn the city into someplace safe and boring and for kids rather than adults (sort of like what Vegas is rolling towards). Can't say I thought much of that. Still don't, but lots of other things have changed. One month after the WTC, Rudy is still setting the pace for our nation's leaders. Respect.  [++link]

10:27 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

We've been told to expect terrorist activity over the next several days. Thanks. If you're in Ohio, I imagine this means you are nervously awaiting the next round of terrible news from CNN. If you're in Arlington, like me and most of the people I love, it means the only reason I'm not in Amsterdam right now is I promised to take care of my sister's cat while she's away. I could always sedate it, paint it, and tell customs it's a rugby ball...  [++link]

Thursday, October 11, 2001

5:37 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

What Robot are you? Really? (Link pinched from the hardworking protocol droids at the Invisible City Weblog)  [++link]

2:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I was at National Airport a few years ago (don't get me started on the new name) waiting in a long, long line to get through security so I could go meet my mom at the gate. People were of course bitching and moaning and making remarks about the terrible inconvenience and the indignity of having to open their bags. I wanted very much to tap the loudmouth in front of me and say, "It's the first anniversary of the OK City bombing, you ass." Happy 10/11, everyone. Be safe.  [++link]

9:26 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Hey, remember UFOs?
Oh, and in case you think this kind of old-school paranoia job has lost all relevancy to the issues of our time, check out the author’s essay linking the events of 9/11 to the withholding of top-secret technology from our government by the “secret, shadow-organizations” behind those freaky flying saucers.
I'm glad our nation's crackpots are staying on top of things. It makes me feel more secure.
  [++link]

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

5:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, say you're an educated, or perhaps just technically adept person. Say you're in Afghanistan. One day the Taliban Propriety Goon Squad drops by and tells your family to pony up a son to serve the regime or else. You wind up working for a mob of bad-tempered ignoramuses who are willing to use your skills but obviously hate your guts and dream of a world in which they no longer need you and can kill you with rocks. One day they stomp up to your desk and yell at you to create a glorious backdrop for a rally honoring a true warrior of the faith. You go online searching for images to snitch, and you find this. I don't have any proof that the preceding took place, but it goes a long way towards explaining this.  [++link]

11:06 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm not sure if our editorial guidelines allow for linking to stories about such things as the Wonderbum. Oh wait -- I'm the editor. *MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!*  [++link]

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

11:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"Jedi" is now an officially recognized religious affiliation in the UK. Sort of. Say it with me: "I think George Lucas gone SUE somebody..."  [++link]

10:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You think we're shocked by these unprecedented recent events, think of the Swiss. It's been centuries since they lost money on a war.  [++link]

9:02 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I often wonder why I don't feel more kinship with Rush Limbaugh, since we are both porky, opinionated white guys with lots of petty dislikes and no real job skills. Then I remember that Rush is a huge asshole. Not that I'm going to smirk over him losing his hearing.  [++link]

Monday, October 08, 2001

5:15 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I read about kids bringing knives and guns to school, and it makes me most implacably sad. They don't play that shit in Santa Cruz, no they don't.  [++link]

1:07 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, the military is co-opting the bumper sticker slogan and going with Food Not Bombs in parts of Afghanistan. Respect. Now, this isn't a criticism, since peanut butter is as good a source of portable nutrition as anything, but culturally, it isn't as commonplace as you'd think. If you don't know what it is, it looks like babyshit. And if you do decide to eat it, since you are starving and it smells okay, you have to know to mix it with the jelly, which isn't a universal foodstuff either. Again, I'm not criticizing the idea of winning hearts and minds by feeding the hungry, but imagine a long march out of your village carrying everything you could save. Now imagine eating peanut butter in the desert without a big glass of milk.  [++link]

12:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The U.S. team has lucked into a shot at the World Cup. That's soccer. I don't exactly care, but loved the matter-of-fact tone of this article.   [++link]

12:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Take a moment to welcome Enormous Fun Farm Reporter Amy Splitt (polite applause). EF Foreign Affairs Correspondent Mugs McKendry is on vacation for the next three weeks, and promises to check in between rum drinks and massages, but I feel we should allow for some slackness.  [++link]

10:07 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Oh, and while my boss is away and I have a moment, a wee rant. A happy, jolly rant!

Do you shudder at the hormone-injected corporate bordello that calls itself mainstream news? Oh, so do I, but alternative sites still cause some bother, since I know in my sad little moderate heart that most self-styled "radicals" and "anarchists" are tyrannical jerkoffs who wanna scare people and boss them around just as much as the fat cats and Secret Chiefs do. Reading *all* of it, including many tantalizing flavors of background source material, one *might* calculate the approximate tone of a hypothetical voice of reason. But who has time to wade through the gaseous peatbogs of inflammatory propaganda? Not I. I have a job and a life.
Yes, I feel your despair. You want reason? You want fun? OK, Kiddos, here you go: SPINSANITY is dedicated to debunking both rightist and leftist propaganda. The EF Roving Farm Reporter gives this site a great big YEE-HA. Now, go! Fly! Be free! Wallow around in great big jello-vats of sensible and well-informed thought! And don't say I never gave you anything nice.
  [++link]

9:58 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Postmodern doesn’t even begin to describe it.
And they told you creative writing was for wussies.
[Side note: of course, some smarmy socio-cognitive-behaviorist is just going to use this tidbit to further support the dumbassed notion that hideous acts of violence are somehow inspired by The Great Entertainment Satan. Idiots.]
  [++link]

Sunday, October 07, 2001

11:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Oh, thank goodness. The French are going to pitch in and help with Operation Brilliant Notion: America's Land War in Asia. Thanks a pantload, Jacques, but we can make our own white flags if it comes to that.   [++link]

Friday, October 05, 2001

2:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Bye. Going to Berlin. Gotta see the White Lion Cubs.   [++link]

12:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Best Trailer Ever. The movie can't possibly live up to it, which makes me a sad panda.  [++link]

12:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This year's IgNobel Prize winners are a wonder to behold. I'm hoping to get one next year for my pioneering work in the field of lost apostrophes. Watch this space.  [++link]

11:59 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hobbit Name Generator! Hobbit Name Generator! Hobbit Name Generator!   [++link]

Thursday, October 04, 2001

11:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Marcus Aurelius' aphorism, "Nothing happens to any man that he is not formed by nature to bear," is being misquoted left and right these days. It is worth pointing out that he was one of the major stoic philosophers, a school of thought that can be summarized in four words: "Suck it up, Wimp!" Do not use Marcus Aurelius to comfort the grieving. A certain degree of stoicism is definitely needed in these troubled times, but watch your levels. Too much and you turn into G. Gordon Liddy, too little and you'll be writing this sort of thing.
  [++link]

11:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Web is full of people whose minds I am glad to have random access to without having to interact with them. Jorn Barger of Robotwisdom is my prime example. I link to him today to pay homage to his recent coinage "mournography" (in reference to the ghoulish media coverage of the families of 9/11 victims).  [++link]

11:28 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Like the rest of us, James Lileks is having a bit of a crack up. Like any good writer, he's dealing with it by writing, and has also coined a useful new word.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

12:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The U.S. Army's Fourth PsyOps Group differs with Sun Tzu, I see: "The very essence of any kind of psychological operation is telling the truth." My bad. I am a Cretan, you see, and all Cretans are liars.  [++link]

11:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

On the other hand, if we've already deployed P.J. O'Rourke, maybe we're further along than I imagined.  [++link]

11:42 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Like Tony Soprano, I'm a big fan of Sun Tzu's Art of War. The line that struck me on my lastest re-reading was "All warfare is based on deception". Sifu Tzu does not directly address media propaganda, having lived in the fourth century BCE, but I think if you sat him down in front of CNN and poured him tea, he'd smile and say, "Special Forces are doing recon in Afghanistan. Right. They choppered them in from Fort Bragg this morning or what? Hey, nice tea. Tazo?"  [++link]

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

4:55 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm putting a lot of thought into starting my own business, and I've been working on finding a lucrative niche that's a good match for my talents and temperment. I'll be keeping an eye on this dude's progress, I think.  [++link]

11:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Back in the day, my housemates and I used to troop on down to the Blue Ridge Arsenal in Chantilly for target practice every couple of weeks. It was fun. We'd rent cool guns, blow through a few boxes of shells, and go home with all the tight spots in our shoulders all gone. I think we concerned some of the regulars, what with our having funny haircuts and scary boots, but we were just there for catharsis. Smoke + fire + the noisiest thing you can do legally in Virginia = a certain cleansing. Blue Ridge is getting a shitload of business these days. Catharsis and talismans are the new growth industries.  [++link]

10:56 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I shake my head in wonder. I really do feel sorry for them. But perhaps this is karmic payback for selling their story into a made-for-TV movie so quickly. Think they'll do a sequel?   [++link]

10:52 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Where do I send my resume?   [++link]

10:49 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I am not a bad person. But so help me, I had to smirk when I read this headline. And don't try to pretend you wouldn't have either. Nobody is that good.   [++link]

Monday, October 01, 2001

11:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I don't have cable, did this make CNN?  [++link]

9:51 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Rodney King's life sucks more than yours ever will.  [++link]

9:31 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

My head, neck, and shoulders feel like they've been pounded full of roofing nails. I'm aware that this is "referred pain" from grinding my teeth, which I do when I'm sleeping badly, and I'm also aware that it's strongly linked to the crushing feeling in my chest every time I hear a siren pass. And I'm aware that this sort of thing is now common, but awareness and perspective are not proving helpful just yet.  [++link]

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