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Sunday, March 30, 2003

9:06 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Moving Day. You may not hear much out of me for the rest of the week.  [++link]

6:41 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Um...Happy Anniversary?   [++link]

Friday, March 28, 2003

2:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hey, Lemony Snicket movie! Who'll they get to play Count Olaf? Alan Rickman? Tim Roth? Gunnar Hansen? Oh, sweet jesus, not Jim Carrey...   [++link]

12:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm not just posting a quiz here, I'm making cryptic reference to recent news. This is fitting.   [++link]

10:50 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Get your cray-on!  [++link]

9:28 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Monotremes rule.  [++link]

Thursday, March 27, 2003

4:50 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Conventional wisdom has it that Dutch Pol Pim Fortuyn was one of those smooth, grinning movie-antichrists who are sliming their way into European politics by putting a respectable face on nativist racism. The guy who killed him certainly thought so. By traditional Dutch standards, he was certainly insuffiently tolerant.

We in the US are safe from Pim's ilk invading our body politic. You'd never see an openly gay academic lead a majority coalition here, much less a scary queen who wrote regular columns about going to speedfucking clubs. Well, maybe if he was pushing an agenda that would significantly relax standards of evidence required to spy on resident aliens...  [++link]

11:50 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Finally, a National Something Week that I'm 100% behind.   [++link]

9:07 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I didn't notice this bit, but I don't watch the war on tv (watched the whole of Gulf I on CNN in college; learned my lesson). I did notice in some of the production stills, our troops appear to be wearing Timberlands...  [++link]

12:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Cough. Chris the Ninja Pirate flash game. Cough.  [++link]

12:07 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I read the New Scientist only for their pioneering research on the Black Stuff.   [++link]

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

3:53 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Okay, and there endeth my war-related blogging. Cheer up, asparagus is coming into season (well, maybe where you live, I'm still getting snow showers up here). Turn off your TV and eat something green, it's good for you.   [++link]

3:41 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

"I think I was living in a pipe dream thinking no one would get killed," Shirley Johnson, 79, a registered Republican from Davenport, Iowa, said in a follow-up interview. "But all of a sudden people were getting killed, and I was horrified."

Now if I'm not mistaken, that's coming from someone who should remember WW2, Korea, etc and should probably have some understanding of the fact that in war, people occasionally get really nasty boo-boos. Those of us brought up in the "Hit the reset button/bonus life at 10,000 points" generation have some excuse (but not much).

Bugger all this Lent business. Praise the Lord and pass the Victory Gin, Uncle William.
  [++link]

2:51 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

It would seem to me that if the dogs are there to "obtain canine carnal knowledge of other furry guests,” then wouldn't this be more of a doggie swingers' club than a doggie brothel? Maybe licensing doggie prostitutes is too complicated.  [++link]

11:58 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Second Note: I just noticed that the author of the Reason article I linked to above is Ron Bailey, whom I don't like much, mainly because he A SMUG DEBUNKER, and they're almost never likeable, whether or not they're right, because smugness is just irritating. Oh, well. I should've known it was someone like that, writing a closing line like: "Who knows? Perhaps one day you'll be popping an arsenic pill to ward off skin cancer." Like, duh, arsenic is for stomach cramps and anxiety. Do your research, man!

  [++link]

11:45 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Here we have toxicologists arguing, in effect, that the basic principle behind homeopathy makes sense. Of course, their subsequent interest in the idea that a little bit of pollution is actually good for living things would emotionally horrify most of homeopathy's Eurohippie advocates. My mother, on the other hand, has been suggesting something similar all along, boasting that her generation's moral fiber was toughened by Strontium-90 in the milk and Red dye #2 in their hot dogs. It's the little things in life that make me light up with wonder.

***Note: I will add here that I have a die-hard belief in the efficacy of homeopathic remedies so long as they are properly administered. Tiny little sugar pills infused with belladonna, aconite, and other yummy treats cured me of a sinus infection overnight when I got sick in a foreign country. I've tried using the remedies on my own, but I'm shooting in the dark with that stuff, and should probably consult an expert if I don't want to wind up with a killer secondary infection some day.  [++link]

11:02 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Okay, so I totally missed the reference to Tristan's website in that article (he spelled it wrong anyway). But I still think Doonan's exaggerating the phenom, and I'm not the only one.  [++link]

8:28 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Teenage self-harm is rampant in the UK. No, that isn't a Victorian euphemism for wanking.  [++link]

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

10:46 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Anonymous Anal Advisor? Anonymous Anal Advisor? Tristan Buttfucking Taormino, bitch!  [++link]

10:40 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Funniest Headline of the War.  [++link]

5:25 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Anal bleaching? Are they serious? Has anyone else heard about this?  [++link]

3:06 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Some people see a cheesy marketing ploy that would have been outdated in the 1970s, fer fuck's sake.   [++link]

12:58 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

A moustache says a lot.  [++link]

12:16 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

The grey menace strikes again.  [++link]

11:59 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Phase 1 Nears Completion.   [++link]

10:23 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Miss USA contest was last night. (A pretty girl won.) Did anyone who wasn't there notice?   [++link]

12:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Everybody welcome Joanne Rowling's little wizard to the world. And settle in for a loooonnnngggg wait for the next book.  [++link]

Monday, March 24, 2003

4:07 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You know you're isolated when your money is too bloody for the Swiss.  [++link]

1:20 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Dead pools? NCAA? How passe (sorry Greg). Click on "all events" to place your bets on Saddam eating a bullet or Osama found playing footsie with Jimmy Hoffa under the goalposts at the Meadowlands.   [++link]

8:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hug the Fuck out of them, Phillipe!  [++link]

8:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Watched the Oscars, which I normally skip, and was lushly rewarded with: Steve Martin on fire, Michael Moore being booed, Mira Sorvino trying to pronounce ::aesthetically:: and Adrian Brody screen-kissing Halle Berry. And Peter O'Toole being a magnificent shimmering bastard. And I went to bed before they could give Roman Polanski a statuette. Good night.
  [++link]

Sunday, March 23, 2003

8:54 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Either Weebl's been hacked or their "art supplies" from Oaxaca were a particularly low grade. But hey, new weebl, who's complaining?   [++link]

Saturday, March 22, 2003

7:16 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I never thought I'd buy any of their stuff, but just for this I went to Amazon and bought three CDs. Long live the First Amendment!!!   [++link]

Friday, March 21, 2003

2:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hey. Hey! Stop reading fucking Instapundit. It'll be better if you just take a break for half and hour. I know: Wanna read the first Superman comic ever? Action Comics #1 from 1938, scanned in full.   [++link]

12:09 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Why don't the protestors ever get the swastika the right way around? I guess if you aren't a Nazi or a proofreader it doesn't much matter.  [++link]

11:48 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

English translations of the leaflets we're dumping on Iraqi forces. The Bollywood movie poster production values have to be deliberate...  [++link]

11:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Message to Ted Rall: If we're really Germany in the 30s, why are you still collecting a check for nationally syndicated publication of this sort of shit?  [++link]

Thursday, March 20, 2003

2:55 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Europe's first Lama is a Dane. I'm oddly pleased by this.   [++link]

12:26 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"Harry Potter must not return to Hogwarts!"  [++link]

12:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I can only pray that this is just a stop along the way for Monica, since we all know what her true calling as a media starlet is. Please, Monica, please: You were born to star alongside Rocco Siffredi in "Plumper Humpers 8". Well, not exactly "alongside"...  [++link]

11:19 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

BIG FUCKING HEADLINE

9:44 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Informative article on Iraq by my harrumph of hotties at Spinsanity. Whoever thought that sitting on the fence could be so... edgy? {ducking}  [++link]

8:53 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Jiang Zemin may have retired, but his sense of eyewear fashion is in full effect.   [++link]

2:00 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Some people will just not be upstaged.   [++link]

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

12:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fucking Dwight is out of his truck. Unfortunately, there's a cat up a tree on 14th street, so the city's shutting the fuck down again.   [++link]

10:57 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

You don't see a lot of sports on this here site, save a few European soccer tidbits, but that's about to change. It's tournament time damnit! Come join our (OK, "my") bracket at ESPN. Group name is "Enormous Fun", password's "unclewilliam". C'mon, impress me big shot! Yes, Sven, I'm talking to you!!  [++link]

8:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fucking fantastic interview with Peter O'Toole.   [++link]

8:22 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tobacco Farmer Dwight the Fucking Lunatic is still in his god-damned truck in the middle of the mall. He says he'll surrender if he's treated with respect. Good thing he doesn't have web access in his cab.   [++link]

1:07 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The chief advantage of following the UK pop scene (even peripherally) is that you get to see what kind of unspeakable crap is going to get dumped on US radio in a few months, after the Brit kids have gotten over their sugar rush and gone on to the next piece of unconscionable shit. It's kind of funny to see acts that were huge in the UK get vaporized before they pass Greenland. It's even funnier to see what actually makes it: the Spice Girls, Kylie, S Club 7... Hard to predict what will cross and what won't. With certain exceptions.  [++link]

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

12:09 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

My New Rock-Paper-Scissors Technique Is Unstoppable (and pretty risky, too).  [++link]

11:41 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Okay, so now you know how the coffee/chocolate/alcohol fast is going. Sorry, that last post was a little venomous. Here, have a cheap laugh, you'll feel better for a few seconds.   [++link]

11:34 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

In the immortal words of Billy Connolly: "Oh, well Thank FUCK for that!!!"   [++link]

11:13 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

For all of y'all who think "Because Saddam's Lips Are Moving" isn't a good enough answer...  [++link]

8:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, virus writers are mostly guys without social skills or girlfriends, and they're all into computers. In other news so blindingly obvious that your refrigerator mold would respond with an eye-roll, Salma Hayek is pretty and the Husseins think we can suck it.  [++link]

Monday, March 17, 2003

8:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Man Drives Tractor Into Pond on Mall. Police spokesman Scott Fear says they're negotiating with the man and hoping for a peaceful resolution, but that they have concerns about the contents of the tractor, as well as a Jeep that's also in the pond.  [++link]

5:37 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

"Ah, enough already about the fish," Mr Rosen said. "I wish I never said anything about it. I'm getting so many calls every day, I've stopped answering. Israel, London, Miami, Brooklyn... they all want to hear about the talking fish."   [++link]

12:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Google Smack: Go to google, type in "French Military Victories", then hit the I'm Feeling Lucky button.  [++link]

11:45 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm apparently paid as much as I deserve based on my IQ. Although I suspect my job is insidiously lowering my IQ. (Conversion: 1 UK pound = $1.57 at the moment.)  [++link]

8:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

TIE Fighter Pilot beach calendar.   [++link]

8:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Throw yourself in front of a moving bulldozer anywhere else in the world and you're a candidate for the Darwin awards. Do it in the name of a culture that wouldn't have let you go to college and get all those bright ideas in the first place, and you're a martyr.   [++link]

8:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Post-Chernobyl cat shows rule: "And you see how little Poopsie likes to be picked up by her dorsal fin? Yes, mummy loves her precious..."  [++link]

Friday, March 14, 2003

12:47 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

"My relationship to sheep is a bit ambivalent now." I wonder when Mayhem will be touring Rhode Island.   [++link]

12:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The latest act of pure Swiss sociopathy in the third world. They're really going for the low-hanging fruit here...  [++link]

11:21 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++

"What does Darth Vader look like?"
"Well, um, he's black?"
"Go on."
"And, and, he's shiny?"  [++link]

8:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The King William's College quiz 2002. You won't get any right and you'll need a piece of paper, but at least it's not a sucky "What vegetables do you like to pretend are your sex partner???" livejournal quiz.   [++link]

1:20 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Sounds like fightin' words to me...  [++link]

Thursday, March 13, 2003

5:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"They said they weren't on drugs," Thompson told the Deseret News of his stepfather and his mother, adding: "But we think that was a lie. We think that's how they communicated with God, that and listen(ing) to the Steve Miller band."   [++link]

5:17 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Looks like D.C. is a blogging hotbed (thanks to InstaPundit).  [++link]

2:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

French President Jacques Chirac has been invited to New Orleans on December 20 to mark the date that the Louisiana Territories were signed over to the United States. President Bush also is invited. I see that turning out well, considering the degree to which we boned the French on that deal...   [++link]

12:35 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Aw, man, I was hoping to find another Shrub-bashing site.   [++link]

12:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

My New French Fry Technique is Unstoppable.  [++link]

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

1:42 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Sorry, haven't posted in nearly a week. I gave up chocolate, alcohol, coffee, and soda for Lent. The books all say I should be feeling super-duper chem-free right now, but instead I feel like I've been et by a coyote and shat off a cliff. I'm gonna be mainlining tea by the end of the week. Anyone out there who truly loves me, ask Our Kindly Uncle here how to send me Zingers. I'm sure he'd forward packages.   [++link]

1:32 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Easily among the top ten lines NOT to say to the media when commenting on porno shot in public schools: "It came as a big blow to us."  [++link]

1:21 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

This is not just Texas, this is hardcore Shrub Country: where men are men and nobody wrecks the grading curve, it seems.  [++link]

1:09 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Somebody give these people a MacArthur Genius Grant before I start holding up banks to finance them.   [++link]

12:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This is Texas
This is Redneck
This is Lone Star
This is Badass  [++link]

8:39 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Never a good sign.  [++link]

8:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Okay, okay, I'll say it: What does Madonna put behind her ears to make men notice her?  [++link]

8:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Not as good for you this week as previously assumed: "Exercising" your prostate...  [++link]

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

4:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Blue Minivan with lights on? Damn, that's gotta be me...  [++link]

2:05 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

One has to wonder if the gamers outnumber the Jesus creepies at the Department of Defense. Writing that, I realize there has to be significant overlap of the two groups...   [++link]

1:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In the tradition that brought us hot dogs, Salisbury steak, Alsatian dogs, and Windsors: Freedom Fries. Now drink your Victory gin and shut up.  [++link]

8:23 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You don't have to be an intellectual to be a truly great barista. You can be a Kiwi stoner in a ball cap.  [++link]

8:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The International Jewish Conspiracy lives on.   [++link]

8:15 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm nervous about trains, but I was in a wreck when I was a kid. If your kid gets weird about trains because of the traumatic violence in Thomas the Tank Engine, perhaps little Christopher is too delicate a flower for this wicked world.  [++link]

Monday, March 10, 2003

2:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

People who are freaks about dogs and cars and suchlike identify them using the same part of the brain used to recognize faces. Apparently researchers are studying dog fanciers and NASCAR buffs to get insight into autistic kids difficulties. Right track...  [++link]

8:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Blogging is heading for the toilet: Business writers have started pooping out articles like this.  [++link]

8:22 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Public nudity: The Right Way and the Wrong Wrong Wrong Way.  [++link]

Friday, March 07, 2003

3:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Lady Thatcher takes it in the bum, says her former assistant. Gave her loads of energy, it did...  [++link]

12:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Mel Gibson's dad is part of the Catholic wing of the tinfoil hat brigade. I don't suppose you're shocked. I mean, who the hell names their kid Melvin...  [++link]

12:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Looks like some performance artists are going to the pokey. Bad choice of venue, bad choice of costuming. This does prove that any incident involving duct tape is going to make the news wires, though.  [++link]

Thursday, March 06, 2003

3:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Johnny Three-Names got "assaulted" in prison, apparently. Some Aryan gave him a bruise on his forehead. It concerns me that I find that disappointing.  [++link]

11:04 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Obviously those provinicials in Ulyanovsk don't have a bowling alley.   [++link]

9:00 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The UK Guardian, ever conscious of the pain of the working classes, tortured a bunch of chambermaids with Jenny Lopez' last movie to see what they thought of her scrubbing technique. Their verdict: Eh, it's just a movie, and Raffi Fiennes doesn't do it for them.  [++link]

8:52 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's Girl Scout cookie time again. Save me sweet Jesus from the GUSA Street Teams and my endless greed for Thin Mints.  [++link]

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

4:00 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

How to protect yourself and your family from miscreant clergy and other threats to your mental health.   [++link]

3:47 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Did y'all run out of lithium Down Under? Did all the Hobbit jokes finally get to you? Did the hole in the Ozone layer spread a little too far north? Losing the America's Cup? Get over it. What is up with you people?  [++link]

11:49 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I can't be arsed to googlecheck this, but I'm sure there are legions of Doogie Hauser slash/ship/schmung perverts out there, and this is the best day of their lives.  [++link]

11:42 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"'Shut up you minion, you (U.S.) agent, you monkey. You are addressing Iraq. You are insolent. You are a traitor to the Islamic nation,' Ibrahim spat out as Qatar's Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani tried to shut him up." Saddam and his buddies may not watch South Park, but you can bet they watch Austin Powers.   [++link]

8:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, the National Zoo is apparently riddled with incompetence. There's talk of creating a resident advisory board and appointing some of the higher primates to seats, but like most DC home rule initiatives, things keep degenerating into screeching and poo-throwing.  [++link]

12:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tattoos have pretty much lost their badass edge outside of prison. Shame; then again, anything that causes college students pain is fine with me. Regardless, this is hardcore.  [++link]

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

6:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Guardian column from Martin Amis, a blindingly erudite fucker. It's about the coming war. He takes a balanced view, in that he seemingly argues that all listed participants-to-be are mentally subnormal or morally unspeakable. One doesn't read Marty in order to feel better about things.  [++link]

6:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No, not in a pineapple; no, not under the sea. We are not worthy.  [++link]

10:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Another of the Magnificent Seven has ridden off into the sunset. Toshiro Mifune this time.  [++link]

9:31 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Remember this image. This may well be the photo of the year.   [++link]

8:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

And he FUCKS LITTLE BOYS, jesus, just say it...  [++link]

8:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Getting a little tired of the Big Brother TyrannoVision viewscreens here. Bit overused, and getting creepy in a Mussolini sort of funny-hat fascist kitsch sort of way.  [++link]

8:06 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Madonna's taking a sabbatical from destroying her husband's once-promising career in order to write children's books. This reportedly has nothing to do with Joannie Rowling being the richest woman in the British Isles besides Queen Liz.  [++link]

7:04 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

"WIN-dows" will never "CRASH," isn't that right Mini Bill?  [++link]

Monday, March 03, 2003

11:20 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If you're going to indulge in scatological anti-US street theatre, this is the way to do it. Make an effort, at least.  [++link]

11:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's going to be a bitch interrogating this dude. "No, no Coke, Pepsi! You want Cheeseburger? Cheeps?"  [++link]

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