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11:30 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
The thing I hate about these "527" ads is that they never come out and say how they're trying to persuade you to vote, they just bitch and moan about people. Conspiracy theorists worldwide must be all aflutter tonight.
As for me, I'm going to get knocked out tomorrow and probably won't wake up till sometime Wednesday. I did my absentee thing yesterday, so I'm cool with that. I probably will be much happier for missing these last few days of "push me, shove you; oh yeah, says who?" and simian turd-throwing. Y'all have some enormous fun now, and Happy Halloween.
[++link]
1:46 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
My favorite halloween costume idea ever was ten years or so ago: Hannibal Lecter. I'd wear orange coveralls, a fencing jacket with leather straps around it, and a half-mask, and have someone wheel me around strapped to a handcart.
In a moment of uncharacteristic self-awareness, I decided against this. I was a distinctly obnoxious person at the time, and going to a party immobilized on a handcart would have ended badly. At best, I might have been wheeled into a corner and covered with a blanket. I leave it to you to imagine the worst.
This year I will be a Shriner, since I have a fez and a red tuxedo jacket. Next year, I may consider young Hannibal, as long as he doesn't have that greasy 80s ponytail.
Happy Halloween, Funsters.
[++link]
12:15 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Tonight, the shadow of the earth will devour a blood red moon. If the series goes to seven games, expect further portents of the coming of the Antichrist. [++link]
11:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Proof that I read webcomics chiefly for the titles: Alien Loves Predator. [++link]
11:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
After a lifetime of truly not giving a shit about sports and feeling slightly smug about it, I have been rewarded by fate: I fell in love with an ardent Red Sox fan. Between this and the upcoming election, I fear for the efficacy of my current pharmaceutical regimen. Fortunately, I can now cite Heisenberg's Principle as not only a valid excuse to hide during game time but an act of solidarity and team support.
(Feel no pity for me; my sister, now several days overdue with her first kid, is married to a BoSox fan.)
[++link]
10:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
He was a DJ, and he had believers. John Peel of the BBC, dead at 65. [++link]
11:08 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
In response to a wave of antisemitic violence, French Jews have responded with: Irony. [++link]
1:05 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Another "Day" to celebrate this Sunday. Don't be alarmed, just wave hello to the friendly black helicopters... [++link]
7:48 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Don't be discouraged by the fact that it's on a Sunday this year. Just keep it in mind when you go back to work on Monday. You don't have to play hooky or tell the boss to go Cheney himself/herself. (No taking a massive Taco Bell dump behind the copy machine either.) Just take a few deep breaths, be still, and remember that there are other reasons for being on this earth. [++link]
1:07 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Quote of the day: "Americans in the know will be wrapping their passports in aluminum foil." [++link]
3:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The great conspiracy is still not dead. [++link]
3:36 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Oh God, no, not again. Can't this wait at least until the World Series is over?
[++link]
3:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Have we waited long enough? Good: Courtesy of the poisonous little shits at PopBitch, a memorial assortment of Christopher Reeve jokes:
Q: Which actor does Christopher Reeve most want to be?
A: Christopher Walken.
Q: What's the difference between Christopher Reeve and O.J. Simpson?
A: Christopher Reeve got the electric chair.
Q: What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Christopher Reeve in a house fire.
Q: Why didn't Superman save the hostages in Iraq?
A: Because he's dead, and before that he was in a wheelchair.
[++link]
10:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Lava has broken to the surface at Mount St. Helens. No group has yet taken responsibility. [++link]
7:35 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
10:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Isn't it just perfect that Sean Penn is one of those guys who fires off pissy letters to guys who make fun of self-serious actors for a living? [++link]
9:50 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Mary Chapin Carpenter said it best: Why walk when you can fly? [++link]
11:18 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
12:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
If you are among those of us who are mystified, for lack of a better word, by Madonna's inexplicable decision to champion Kabbala, I've got it figured. She's just going to play along until the Rabbis spill the secret word, and then she's going to create an army of Golems. Probably to keep paprazzi away from her country estate. [++link]
5:38 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I do not know why. But I must, I must destroy the evil bear. [++link]
7:52 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Grab your WIENERWHISTLE and learn the toot. Play the interactive WIENERWHISTLE. Do it. Do it. [++link]
1:01 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
So they have one of these featuring Eliza Dushku blowing bubble gum. I'm guessing they didn't put it on the website because a non-profit organization couldn't afford that level of bandwidth demand. Sorry, kids. [++link]
2:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
One more time: All you pseudo-dieting idiots waddling after the "lo-carb" bandwagon, please go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. [++link]
11:07 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Oh, c'mon, Elton, just because not everyone can glam their way into Oxford... Don't worry, Oscar Wilde is having enough conniptions in his grave for all of us. [++link]
10:57 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
One more for the Ave Atque Vale files today. Here's wishing you a Valhalla with lots of big, warm sudsy bathtubs. [++link]
1:37 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Two years and how many bloody Michael Moore docos later, and some folks still don't fucking get it. [++link]
12:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
On a related note, it's positively unseemly how much I'm looking forward to the Cheney/Edwards debate. I realize Edwards is a trial lawyer, and thus accustomed to persuasive speaking. But I can't help thinking that Cheney is just going to lurch over to him, crack his ribcage barehanded, and feast on his guts on live tv.
And then rampage, of course.
[++link]
12:01 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Watched the debates, and yes, Kerry definitely won, on points at least. He came off as a dick, however, and his rationale for how he did and didn't support the Iraq war had a weaselly tone.
I suspect he was hammering on nuclear proliferation just to make sure Bush had to stumble over trying to pronounce "nuclear" and "proliferation" over and over. That was funny, but unsporting.
Also, that god-damned smirk of his makes my skin crawl. I cannot be alone in this.
[++link]
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