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11:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Travel Tip for Visitors to the National Capitol Area: Remember that our Metro Transit Police are squirrely as hell these days, and they're way less worried about lawsuits and bad publicity than you imagine. [++link]
3:05 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Saddam has a chronic prostate infection: "The most common symptoms include a feeling of having to urinate all the time, pain or burning during urination, discomfort when the bladder is full and having to get up many time each night to urinate." [++link]
1:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Contrary to popular belief, there is someone more agonized by Taco Bell's decision to kill off the Chilito than I am. Preach, brother. [++link]
11:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Big Pig. Big Pig. Big Pig. [++link]
2:32 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Sorry about the silence, by the way. I hurt my back doing nothing and have had to limit my time in the office chair. [++link]
2:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Worst attack to date in Iraq; 60 dead at least. The first thing that occurred to me as I read this was, "These fuckers couldn't take out Saddam, but they can waste each other by the dozen?"
Which I realize isn't fair or relevant, but mother of fuck, the Iraqi people seem to have found the fighting spirit all of a sudden.
[++link]
1:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
... you know, Bob the Angry Flower. [++link]
1:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
A rare news photo of the notoriously reclusive Bob the Angry Flower. [++link]
11:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Arrrgh. The new Mountain Dew commercials are pretty cool. God, I feel like my whole entire self is being digested as I type this.
[++link]
3:40 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
May Kindly Uncle William grant it: thus do I place the seal on random name generator posts, now and forever after, amen.
[++link]
5:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Those faces say, loudly and with great resonance, "We, the Faggot Doody Family, will never set foot in the United States". [stolen with gusto from J Buckley] [++link]
5:06 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Remember that bit about our President's military records being burnt up in a fire? Found 'em! How totally and utterly credible! [++link]
1:39 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Since my usual method of sharing my love for Achewood is to post a link along with "Read more Achewood, you fucks!", I am overjoyed to discover (thank you, Mr. Kramer) that the Bleat I missed this week contains Lileks' brilliant summation of Why Achewood Doesn't Suck It.
Nowadays I open the big wide comics section of my paper, and my eye skates over everything. I read Get Fuzzy, and that's it. Nothing in the dino media is as good as Achewood. I know, I know – some of you won't get it, and I understand; I fought it for a week or two as well, because I was supposed to think it was funny, and at first it just looked like this inert thing saturated with that fatal "it's so unfunny it must be funny" spirit you find in overhyped web comics. But it grew on me quickly. Onstad is not an artist who can write funny – he's a naturally brilliant comic writer, period, an utterly unique talent who can't draw very well. See also, Thurber. He deals in deadpan understatement, which is why some people don't get it right away. You have to read the blogs he writes for his character to grasp the full extent of his talent: he can write in six different voices and you still detect his tone and style. In three years I expect there will be Korean animators working feverishly on the Achewood cartoon show, which will air briefly on Cartoon Network, die after 37 episodes, and be ever after revered like the Honeymooners.
I can only add: Webcomics are free for the taking and if you want to read the entire run, it will only take you a few visits. Note the permanent link under Web Comix in the left column. Use it.
[++link]
3:54 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The latest security blanket for nervous parents in Japan is anti-stabbing jackets for children. And they're pretty casual, so kidstickers won't necesarily know whose kids are armored up and whose are easy pickin's. [++link]
3:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Word is that the National Guard is having trouble with their recruiting numbers. The reason, of course, being that the Guard is now less of a hobby and more of a soft-option wartime draft. It's a little harder to sell people who aren't committed to full-time service on the idea of possibly winding up spending a year away from civilian life, tiptoe-ing over improv bombs and eating astronaut chow rehydrated with piss... [++link]
1:02 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
I've said it before, I'll say it again: respect to the sisters. Remember, the Prophet (PBUH) was illiterate; it was his wife who wrote down what he heard from Gabriel.
[++link]
12:12 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Woke up to this gem. Yeah, your opponents are lawyers, which means they got into law school and graduated. Unlike you. Which means they understand fundamental principles of the Constitution. Unlike you. And they've made money without their daddies' friends bailing them out. Unlike you. Is that desparation I smell? It's so oddly sweet, and juicy. Mmmmmm. [++link]
5:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It turns out I do want to go to France after all. I could give two shits about the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower, but I seriously want to see the Gévaudan Wolf Park. [++link]
10:30 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Comment-dit-on "Tawana Brawley" en Francais? And is Al Sharpton anywhere near Paris as we speak? [++link]
10:07 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
You just know that there's a run on gas masks, batteries, plastic sheeting and duct tape going on in Tehran right now. Seriously, man: you don't think we're gonna buy that shit a second time, do you? [++link]
9:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
ka ma ka vee vo olay ka ma ka vee vo olay ka ma ka vee vo olay ka ma ka vee vo olay ah fuggit, Bruddah Iz. Speaking as someone who is actively working on his uke technique, Iz was a subtle master who more than deserves his posthumous.
[++link]
1:28 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
The man who gives away his money on a game show lectures us on personal fiscal responsibility. [++link]
10:07 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I find most aspects of the men's movement demoralizing and pathetic. Until I read an article about men getting back hair implants, though, foreskin restoration remains the gold standard for sad. [++link]
2:15 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Please please please please don't let the next U.S. presidential election degenerate into a faith-off. Voter turnout is low enough as it is.
[++link]
4:58 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
5:09 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
If you work in an environment where throwing paper airplanes is frowned upon, satisfy your jones with the paper airplane flight simulator. [++link]
4:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
My theory is that Kurt's mad, vengeful ghost is haunting her and trying to turn her into Frances Farmer. [++link]
2:25 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Okay, maybe I'll come home after all. [++link]
12:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
A management book for the rest of us: "No, from now on we'll confine ourselves to normal language. The language of jealousy, cruelty, hate, anger, coldness and power. Language that bewitches, humiliates, defiles. The language of villains; the language of rats!" Watch out; we're going to eat your fucking cheese... [++link]
7:54 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It's somebody's birthday today, and I ain't sayin' who, but happy birthday to you and the mystery guest. I miss you, and can't wait to see you again. [++link]
2:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Hey, what's the Spanish for "You fuck with the bull, you get the horns?" [++link]
2:24 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Lighten up, lady: remember Tim McVeigh was a loyal soldier too. Though I will agree: Lucy, he gots some 'splainin' to do... [++link]
12:37 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I voted for Nader in the last election (my hands are clean, since Virginia was a lock for Bush). I don't support Ralphie and never have, and my rationale was that my vote would go towards strengthening what could be a viable third party, not that I supported the Greens either. I'd argue that at least half of the votes Ralphie got were from people like me, i.e, non-Republicans who were casting around for ways not to waste their votes in states where a vote for Gore was as good as staying home.
It turned out my vote for Nader was both a waste and a bad investment, since Ralph really believes we were voting for him to win, and now there's no reasoning with the man. He seems to have unwittingly found his niche: Professional enemy's enemy.
[++link]
11:31 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Eukanuba is sponsoring the upcoming Democratic National Convention? [++link]
11:00 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Oh HELL NO. I am so NOT coming home if they pull this shit off. Taking a cue from our Spanish brothers and sisters? First: if the administration is dumb enough to run land wars in Asia on two fronts -- purportedly against "terrorism" -- and still can't prevent a terror attack on our own soil, they deserve to get kicked out. Second: if you're supposedly fighting "wars on terror" to preserve our democratic traditions and our way of life, don't go fucking with the democratic process. I don't know about y'all, but I'm glad to know that there is no federal agency empowered to delay a national election. For fuck's sake, they figured out ways for us to keep paying our taxes after nuclear war, we can bloody well hold an election under less desparate circumstances. Just rig the Supremes again if you're so fucking desparate to get re-elected, you Nixonite rehash pricks. [++link]
7:27 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Get this: being a tubby bitch may not be merely a question of disposition, but also of learned behavior. Yet another thing parents can feel guilty about, oh yea. [++link]
11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The official Pentagon records covering our President's military service were destroyed. In a fire. On accident.
As an American, I seriously feel entitled to better quality cover-ups than this weak bullshit.
[++link]
5:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Have been reading with interest the microcontroversy regarding commenting options on blogs. It never fails to amaze: choose a random criterion and some twat will immediately start yelling, "You aren't a reeaaaallllll [whatever the fuck] unless you totally support [whatever the fuck]!!!"
I don't have a commenting system on EF because I don't have the time to moderate one. I have no delusions of grandeur regarding my readership, which includes about thirty people. If they want to engage in a dialogue with Imperious Will, they generally email me.
If I had a commenting system, I'd have up to 30 people with wide-ranging beliefs, experiences, medication regimens, and temperments engaging in discussions and debate. As moderator, I'd have to break up their inevitable howling fights, and between that and spam filtering, troll-banning, and inevitable tech support, I'd lose the will to live in a matter of days.
The other possibilities—from zero usage to sudden superinflux—appeal even less. If that means you doubt my bona fides as a blogger, listen kid, I've been at this since Y2K. Go cry into your LiveJournal.
[++link]
1:16 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Good job, fella! In spite of being one of the largest oil producers on earth, Saddam was willing to explore alternative energy sources. Now that's progressive leadership. [++link]
12:57 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I've taken a public dressing down after screwing up on the job, and it never feels justified. I always felt like it was done out of either rage or sadism on the part of my superiors, and it made everyone think less of them. Bear in mind I never killed four people. [++link]
12:52 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Roger Ebert has lost his shit, if I may use a phrase from 1991. Or has he? Regaled for 50 years by the stupendous idiocy of the American version of "Godzilla," audiences can now see the original Japanese version, which is equally idiotic, but, properly decoded, was the "Fahrenheit 9/11" of its time.
[++link]
9:08 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
So, the XML feed is fuxxor'd in some inexplicable way. Anybody else having trouble? Anybody else using the stupid thing? [++link]
2:39 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Sweet Mother of 1991, Refrigerator Johnny lives. [++link]
5:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
New Site Feature: Woooooo! We got's an XML feed! Now all of you with news/blog aggregators and such can see that we haven't updated without bothering to check the site!
(Before you ask, there's no freaking way I'm adding a commenting feature.)
[++link]
2:08 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
We haven't had a quiz in quite a while. Alas, despite a promising title, this one's pretty dull. Sorry about that. [++link]
1:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It's really dumb that I'm excited that coyote populations are on the rise in my part of town. I can accept that. [++link]
11:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Colonel Kurtz, He Dead. [++link]
11:11 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
SHAG beach towels! My li'l nephew is so getting the Monkey Lounge towel... [++link]
10:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Dwight the Fucking Idiot news update: What the fuck? Apparently a recent Supreme Court ruling means unstable rednecks get a pass on terrorizing the Capitol City. [++link]
2:37 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Here's a little Flash game for you, Drunk Man Walking. [++link]
12:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Uh-oh, looks like somebody wants to have a Manson Trial... [++link]
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