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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

3:10 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Ralph Nader apparently has some advice for Kerry, who needs to "loosen up".

I have a bit of unsolicited advice, Ralph: I realize that the whole "winning" thing seems awfully right-wing and idealogically compromised, but can you please keep an open mind about it as a choice that others might want to consider? And shut your useless fucking pie-hole and edge out of the spotlight until December? You and Sharpton can go on a cruise or something. See some penguins.  [++link]

11:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Yes! And now: Raise your Goblet of Shrieking Blonde Chick...  [++link]

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

3:06 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Singapore gets hip with their sexy new US-inspired toilet chic anti-drug ads. Don't do ketamine, or you'll look like a rebellious bad boy who plays by his own rules and has a bitchin' wardrobe...  [++link]

12:00 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Police have concluded their investigations of alleged Munchausen-by-proxy abuse of Prof. Stephen "Screaming" Jay Hawking. It took them seven months, but I suspect most of that time was spent waiting for Stevo to type responses into his speak 'n' spell.  [++link]

8:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Holy Shit. That's a whole lot of fertilizer. I get the shudders every time I speculate about what they were planning to blow up.  [++link]

Monday, March 29, 2004

3:51 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Some oddball in Brazil is mirroring this site under his own name.

I've been blogjacked. Beat that.  [++link]

12:33 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

My fave quote on this bizarre development that seems to have disappeared from all the online sources is, "It's worst than the potato famine! At least the British were sporting about it; if you could find a potato they'd let you eat it..."  [++link]

11:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Mars Needs Beano.  [++link]

Sunday, March 28, 2004

12:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fetch me my badminton racquet, mother. We have us a plague coming.  [++link]

Friday, March 26, 2004

3:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

A terrifying glimpse in the flat of Joel Veitch, creator of the viking kittens and the spongmonkeys. Two observations: 1. When Queer Eye comes to London, this is a likely first stop, 2. Wake up here with a hangover and your first thought will be I Have Gone Mad and to Hell.  [++link]

12:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The unexpected consequences of doing game voice work, with the reliably scary Michael Ironside.  [++link]

11:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Oh, Hell Yes! The future is finally arriving in the form of Japanese giant robo-suits!   [++link]

Thursday, March 25, 2004

12:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"Before he was a film director, when he was just a college dropout working as a Quick Stop clerk in New Jersey, Kevin Smith had a life-changing experience while having sex. At a crucial juncture, he saw this look of pure dread in his girlfriend's eyes..."  [++link]

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

1:12 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Yes, we know, this is our fault. Sorry. We'll stop oppressing as soon as we finish our hamburgers.  [++link]

12:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"HA! Your Crane Style cannot defeat my Serene Iron Plums technique!"  [++link]

11:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Things I have forgotten recently, #2: The name of my first ISP. They were based out of Greenbelt, MD, and I think they were acquired by UUNet at some point. I used them from 1993 to perhaps 1996. Anyone?  [++link]

11:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Things I have forgotten recently, #1: The order from the sun of the nine planets of our solar system. Luckily there's google, otherwise I would have had to ask a kindergartner.  [++link]

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

3:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

News of interest only to long-time Enormous Funkers: The old erols.com site has finally been deleted, so all that happy stuff exists only on my C:\drive now. If you miss it, I'm sorry.

Since we're down to one page and one page only, I will be doing a redesign in order to optimize my thingness of thingy. It'll be thingeriffic.   [++link]

2:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You said you wanted a killer curry, no?  [++link]

11:31 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The big winner for Most Trivial Celeb in Australia is not, in fact, Kylie Minogue.   [++link]

Monday, March 22, 2004

12:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm betting the real cause for this ban has more to do with teachers being sick to death of getting the songs stuck in their heads for weeks. That and no teacher wants to get cornered into explaining Ben Franklin's whoremongering to a class full of overprotected pre-Volvo owners.  [++link]

12:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Bad for you this week: Antidepressants. Stick to self-medicating with coffee, vodka, and television, you'll end up ahead in the long run.  [++link]

11:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Excellent collection of Russian anti-booze PSA posters from the 80s. The Russian house at Bryn Mawr had these tacked up all over the place. Springtime kills me with nostalgia...  [++link]

Saturday, March 20, 2004

5:54 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Headline of the week, if you leave out box office references.   [++link]

Friday, March 19, 2004

1:27 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

New rule: any movie that generates at least two sequels is not allowed to be re-made. Corrollary: If you absolutely must re-make the movie, keep the main character's name intact.   [++link]

12:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No Link, Just a Statement: I did undergrad studies at Temple and UMass in the late 80s and early 90s. I have never given a shit about college basketball, and never will. My loss, I suppose. It's not like there's anything to get excited about in March unless you make a big deal out of St. Pat's, which is a bit unseemly if you are an adult and not a bit Irish.  [++link]

12:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, Courtney Love has a new CD out, and no one cares. She goes to NYC and acts a damn fool, and there's mass coverage of her "outrageous escapades". And a CD that would have sunk on its own merits might actually shift some units. Victim tally: 1 guy with his head cracked, 1 veteran host who can't unsee what he's seen, and a bit more damage to the 1st amendment thanks to you pissing gasoline on the fire the FCC is building. Good job, you shrill tart.   [++link]

Thursday, March 18, 2004

4:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Achewood gang is going to Berlin. You should be reading Achewood.  [++link]

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

12:47 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Quoth Rumsfeld: "Finish HIM!!!"  [++link]

10:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Philip Pullman, author of the muscularly anti-Christian His Dark Materials books, has a chat with the Archbishop of Canterbury. Three cheers for civil and literate discourse.  [++link]

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

4:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fun for the whole family: Corn Holing.

That's totally safe for work, btw, though my office's firewall doesn't make the distinction. I'm sort of pleased that our filters are set to block "corn hole".  [++link]

12:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

An American Werewolf in Budapest.  [++link]

12:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, I'm considering a new policy of saying "Jim fucking Caviezel!" on occasions when I'd normally say "Jesus fucking Christ!". It's the New Millennium version of "gosh darn it!".  [++link]

12:37 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Guinness bubbles do, in fact, move downward as they settle, scientists have announced. I read about this in New Scientist years ago, actually, but I imagine there's a lot of pressure to revisit these experiments, especially in March.  [++link]

Monday, March 15, 2004

4:32 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Insights into the military.  [++link]

8:05 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Swiss have a very enlightened attitude about making money and personal responsibility (i.e., we'll gladly take your money, and whatever happens to you is your personal responsibility). This is why they have banking secrecy laws, loads of high mountain ski resorts, and cannabis for sale in cute little shops that look like they sell aromatherapy soaps. It's also why I never understood their failure to cash in on being the home of absinthe liqueur, but it turns out they were just taking their time.  [++link]

Friday, March 12, 2004

11:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Robot Day, Con't: Carnegie Mellon has invented a self-driving robot Hummer, and hopes to get a million dollar prize from DARPA for proving it can handly military ops in the desert. I suspect the greater design purpose here is to create something that will make anyone with a save the earth bumper sticker spontaneously combust with indignation.  [++link]

10:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's Robot Day at EF, because the future is finally here. Can jetpacks and flying cars be far behind when science has realized The Wrong Trousers?  [++link]

10:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Toyota has unveiled a robot with lips and fingers dextrous enough to play a melody on the trumpet. And I seem to be the only one predicting that RealDoll is going to be acquired by a Japanese front company in the near future.   [++link]

Thursday, March 11, 2004

3:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

My enthusiasm for the Summer Olympics has increased dramatically since the unveiling of the new Speedo Pervert Suits.  [++link]

12:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Annoy your World Music-loving friends with Favela Funk.   [++link]

11:23 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

182 dead, 900 wounded. [Updated, 2pm: 192 dead, 1240 wounded. Six months to 9/11.]  [++link]

10:43 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Now I've finally seem The Exorcist.  [++link]

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

11:39 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Is there anything that coffee can't do? Especially deathblack Finnish coffee...  [++link]

10:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

World turned upside down: UK TV is doing their own version of Queer Eye. Other countries I'm dying to see follow suit: The Netherlands, and oh my god Germany.   [++link]

7:24 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Gosh, can't imagine why this is one of Yahoo's most e-mailed photos. Who knew Asian entertainment distribution deals were so interesting?   [++link]

7:21 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Oh yeah, sure, let's just let Hubble crash to earth. It's not like it's providing science anything useful or brain-burstingly beautiful. I'm sure that Moon base and manned mission to Mars will be a much better use of federal funds. Let's all say it together: keep your eyes on the puppet, watch the SHINY puppet!!  [++link]

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

5:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

DeeDee the Whippet has taken Best in Show at Crufts, joining Cid the Basenji as a hero to adorable wee sighthounds the world over.   [++link]

10:37 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

GIANT RUSSIAN CRABS!!!!! DAMN YOU STALIN!!  [++link]

10:16 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Pet supply industry experts fail to see a market for a new trap intended to keep dogs out of boxes of packing peanuts.   [++link]

Monday, March 08, 2004

9:06 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Now that his painfully earnest and hopelessly uninspiring presidential campaign is concluded, I have a real good idea what Joe Lieberman will be doing with his time this summer. Fire up the PlayStation, Joe! Can't wait for the Senate hearings on this one.   [++link]

7:18 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Spalding Gray has, unfortunately, achieved his "perfect moment." Perhaps not the one he was seeking but the one for which he was inexorably destined.   [++link]

1:45 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Tricksy little Kiwi, why does it teases us so? Work it out suits, and let the little shoeless maniac get WETA working on Smaug. Just don't let this man anywhere near New Zealand.   [++link]

1:39 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Picking up CUW's Good For You Today feature: not just coffee but weaponized coffee! Plus further confirmation that instant coffee is an abomination in God's eyes and make the Baby Jesus cry. Of course, the Baby Jesus standard isn't always a reliable one: we all know masturbation makes him all weepy too but that's been officially "Good for You" for months.   [++link]

12:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No Link, Just a Cry From the Heart: Checked google to see how the new URL is faring, and Jesus Christ Shitting Candy, it is not doing well. The top two hits on "Enormous Fun" and "Enormous Fun Weblog" are still the old erols.com URL, which died in 2003. (And I can't do anything to make it go away or put in a redirect; don't ask.) The new URL isn't even on the first page. You're more likely to find a page selling change purses made out of kangaroo nads by searching for enormous fun than you are to find my brave little 3-year-old weblog.

So, first quarter results aren't looking so hot for 2004. I know all my blogrollers and link-partners are making a good faith effort (and that I am a penis for not providing more linkbacks). (There's a hit right there – someone searching for "enormous penis" is probably reading this right now.) What's a guy got to do?

I know, I know: More titties and extreme political blithering. We'll see how it goes. Meanwhile, thanks for reading and tip your bartender.  [++link]

10:31 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Not going to watch the Judas TV movie, because I don't care. Even though Tom Fontana (of OZ fame) directed it, and I just love playing "spot the OZ/Wire cast members" on network TV.   [++link]

9:56 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The army's new urban assault vehicle appears to have been designed by Funkmaster Flex.   [++link]

Friday, March 05, 2004

2:11 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

"Yoda, why you bein' a playa hater"? Star Warz rap, yo.  [++link]

11:52 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Interstate 95 Drivers: You know that bridge in the middle of Northeast Rising Nowhere, MD, that costs $3 to cross? Yeah, by the NIKE outlet. Folks out there appear to be taking their inspiration from other cities in the middle of nothing and nowhere that exist to empty out-of-towners' pocketses.  [++link]

11:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The joy of this medium is that someone somewhere will inevitably have the free time and/or motivation to do just about anything. Like make a Flash game about smacking penguins. Or hack a Flash game about smacking penguins so the penguins go farther (or explode in bloody chunkies). Or post a page tracking the aforementioned. (Thanks to B3ta, of course.)  [++link]

Thursday, March 04, 2004

12:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Kinky Friedman: A Texan We Can All Agree Upon.  [++link]

11:49 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Haven't seen Mel's movie, and I can't be arsed. So I have to stop posting about it. After this last one.  [++link]

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

8:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Governor Arnold is bucking the Prez on the anti-gay-marriage constitutional amendment. Cheers for bringing the strong sack, large man.  [++link]

6:55 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

If this is a joke or something untoward happens that kills this movie, "I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you."  [++link]

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

3:33 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Baby Doc is tired of France and wants to get back to his homeland. Not that he wants to be President again. I imagine he just wants to live the quiet life and set up a small private police force to make sure no one disturbs him.  [++link]

2:01 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Now, THIS is just going too far! Think of the children!!! Oh, and think of the Penguins!!!!!!!!  [++link]

1:12 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Richard Cohen, who's too much of a wuss for Kill Bill, went to see Mel's big gladiators 'n' loincloths S&M movie. He says the movie is fascist because, basically, he didn't feel the revulsion he should have at seeing a man tortured to death over the course of two hours. That's a new one.

Rich, of course you don't empathize properly with Jesus' suffering: You're a Jay-Oh-Oh.  [++link]

12:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

New book out from Cambridge Autism researcher Simon Baron-Cohen, whose relationship to Ali G creator Sasha Baron-Cohen I have thus far failed to confirm.   [++link]

11:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I love those car commercials where the 18yo version of the 40ish minivan owner shows up and starts in with the You've Sold Out noise. I'd love to run into my 18yo doppelgänger, if only for the chance to whump him soundly with my cane. Bring it on, 18-me. I owe you some pain.

My 18yo self was at Rock Against Reagan (back before it was Rock Against Racism), which is where it occurred to me that musicians who screech about their politics generally just can't write lyrics.   [++link]

Monday, March 01, 2004

10:52 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Pew Internet and American Life Project, in a study released Sunday, found that somewhere between 2 percent and 7 percent of adult Internet users in the United States have blogs, and only ten percent of them update daily. So 90% of bloggers are lazier than me. Appalling...  [++link]

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