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Friday, October 31, 2003

2:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tomorrow is the beginning of November, which is National Novel Writing Month. What this means is your Kindly Uncle William is taking the month off from blogging in order to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30. You can follow my progress at the site I set up for the occasion.

This of course does not mean that EF is going on hiatus, it just means that you'll have to get your daily dose of ill-temper from my worthy collaborators. I will resume my duties in December; please wish me luck in the meantime.  [++link]

2:40 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Here's a little something to scare the everloving bejesus out of you. Happy Halloween.   [++link]

Thursday, October 30, 2003

12:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I can see feeling harassed in this situatuation. After all, you've paid your debt to society (or at least you paid off the principle, and you're working on the interest). Then again, given the circumstances, getting your house egged by a bunch of brats is pretty fucking mild karmic justice.  [++link]

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

5:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The most depressing thing about this suit is that they can't both lose.  [++link]

1:34 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

You know, I really don't feel better. I think I'll go stare at those sun pix below and regain my sense of perspective.   [++link]

10:47 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Whoa. Trippy graphics of the sun belching planet-sized clouds of charged particles at us.   [++link]

8:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Reminder: Start your holiday shopping now. Here's the ultimate stocking stuffer for the travellers in your life, presuming they're over 5'6", have at least one leg, and can't fly business class.  [++link]

8:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You saw it here: The last time Beanie Babies will ever be funny.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

8:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Rah ha ha Achewood Anime.   [++link]

8:51 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

EF Hobbyhorse #1456: There's just no god-damned upside to depression.  [++link]

12:17 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

My aunt is a media specialist (aka "librarian" aka "alpha geek") at an elementary school Out West. Her newest hobby? Collecting scathing reviews of Madonna's latest attempt at self-reinvention. I expect the charm will wear off quickly, since it's kinda like hunting deer with Scud missiles.   [++link]

Monday, October 27, 2003

2:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Going to see Eddie Izzard tonight. Eddie's my freakin' hero, so you could say I'm a bit excited.   [++link]

Saturday, October 25, 2003

1:00 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Yes, they actually took the time to do this. And why not? My guess is it's an intern project.   [++link]

Friday, October 24, 2003

3:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Another dead pool perrenial delivered to the arms of the almighty.  [++link]

3:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I just know I'm going to get home and the modem on the TiVo is going to be fried yet again.  [++link]

Thursday, October 23, 2003

5:34 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

In Australia, everything is a full-contact sport, including politics. We could learn a thing or two before the next State of the Union, eh mate?   [++link]

5:21 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

The Marshall Plan meets NPR Pledge Week.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

3:58 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Homicidal Fucktard JA Muhammad has fired himself as his lawyer. It's a suspiciously reasonable move, although no miracle short of the Second Coming is going to save him from a life sentence.   [++link]

3:52 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The second series of The Office is running on BBC America right now. It's an evil, evil show. It's almost as good as this dopey game.  [++link]

8:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The number of cannabis coffeeshops in Amsterdam has declined by 3% since 2001. This is good, since the majority are eyesore tourist traps. Numbers increased very slightly in the Dutch hinterlands, which is also good, because it annoys the Germans.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

7:02 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Speaking of blockheaded racist outbursts...  [++link]

11:36 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This is the second time in a month I've heard some arrogant fuck defend a blockheaded racist outburst by saying that the overwhelming negative reaction proves he must be right.   [++link]

Monday, October 20, 2003

12:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Al Fuqrtard John Muhammad has decided he wants a Manson trial. Drama Queen...  [++link]

9:12 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

David Blaine's next trick will be surviving the standard of care provided by the National Health.   [++link]

9:06 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

BOASAS nails it again, cutting right to the soul of every Sox fan, Cubs fan, and liberal Democrat.  [++link]

9:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I know that all of my readers are 11 years old, and that this is the answer to all your questions about science. Enjoy.  [++link]

Saturday, October 18, 2003

11:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Pity poor Cuba. The Senate is apparently seriously considering opening the floodgates for potential millions of cigar bar jackasses and NPR fusspots.  [++link]

Friday, October 17, 2003

5:39 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

The sistas are all about Keeping It Real.  [++link]

11:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I don't give a fuck about sports and I never have. And yet I loathe the Yankees. I think if you could make a device that measured Yankee-hatred, you'd find that inanimate and inorganic objects were capable of hating the Yankees.  [++link]

Thursday, October 16, 2003

12:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

David Blaine gets out of his Habitrail of Tears on Monday. That's five days from now and 10 days since anyone's given a crap.  [++link]

11:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Dude. What the Hell is wrong with German people?  [++link]

8:57 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Signs of the apocalypse abound: Three classic brands of shite British lager are being officially axed. One million purple-lipped oafs named Kev will have to find something else to swill around in the glasses they use to cookie-cutter each other's faces at closing time.  [++link]

8:48 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Eat more webcomics. Every day.  [++link]

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

5:37 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You know you're shit when you lose your time slot to the Queen of the Center Square.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

8:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

One more item on the airport confiscation list. It's not like I can sleep on planes anyway.  [++link]

8:17 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You've seen Allah's blog, yes? Scroll on down and tremble, kufr, for the one god is a huge Sox fan...  [++link]

Monday, October 13, 2003

5:54 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Saw "Kill Bill" this weekend, with Mr. Kramer and my long-suffering girlfriend. She enjoyed it (a bit), but we had a bit of a literary quibble over the tagline on the marquee ("quibble" in this case being shorthand for her calling me a "huge dork"). In the end I think we agreed that it was clearly an older reference than the obvious attribution would allow, though neither of us knew the details. A bit of searching has led me to the initial conclusion that "Revenge is a dish best served cold" can be originally attributed to Pierre Ambroise Francois Choderlos de LaClos [1741-1803], in his novel Les Liaisons Dangereuse. Old Klingon proverb my ass.   [++link]

5:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Steve martin is reportedly considering taking on the role of Inspector Clouseau in an upcoming Pink Panther remake. I see him more as Chief Inspector Dreyfus.  [++link]

Friday, October 10, 2003

3:50 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Rush Limbaugh has publicly owned up to his surprisingly trendy Oxy habit, and will be holing up in some manner of exclusive dryout spa for the next month. Poor bastard. His life is really fucked up. On the other hand, I can't wait to hear how mean he gets when you add enforced sobriety to his being deaf and not allowed to eat like a pig anymore.  [++link]

1:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Dick Cheney, who is a such a swine that his face appears to be trying to fight its way off of his skull, is once again compelled to remind us that there's a huge network of freaks who want to top 9/11. I don't think he's wrong, I just don't like him. The people whose mission in life is to fuck up America have all sorts of wild-eyed, kill-crazy allies.  [++link]

8:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Even tinfoil-hat techno-peasants care more about the children than YOU.  [++link]

8:07 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Say what you will of Roger Ebert, he's the only reviewer I've read so far who gets Kill Bill and doesn't snoot. Big man has Tarantino cold and isn't afraid to enjoy it.  [++link]

Thursday, October 09, 2003

5:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"Congratulations, sonny, we're all proud and drunk as hell. And hey, here's the wife. She's doomed to walk the earth as one of the tormented undead until the Sox win a world series..."  [++link]

3:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

New research suggests that the universe is an unimaginably vast soccer ball. Anyone who can clarify the concept of a finite universe for me can drink on my tab all night. This was my first nagging, unanswerable paradox, and has bugged me since about age 5. (My second was "If girls are so annoying, why are you so fascinated by them?" That one hit me around 4th grade.)  [++link]

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

3:26 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I understand the bride is registered at Hogan and Hartsen...or is it Baker and MacKenzie?   [++link]

1:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Further Edict: What the hell is with you people and the underlining of titles? That's a frickin typewriter convention, Funsters... We live in the golden future now, with flying cars and italics on command. Kick that Underwood bullshit to the curb far below.  [++link]

1:24 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Interested parties will be pleased to hear that I am demanding a recount, since it is simply not possible that Arnold beat me after the ferally vicious smear campaign I mounted against him. All of you now have to call me the Honorable and Kindly Uncle William, since I am now governor of California and thus a freakin' LOCK for president in 2012.

In re: the post below, I am assured that Arnie is not a Nazi, since he has the Wiesenthal street team on his side. His wife, on the other hand, is clearly Captain America's old nemesis the Red Skull in serious drag.  [++link]

1:17 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

I was invited to the Kill Bill premiere at the Zig last night. Rather entertaining. Though my favorite part was watching Uma on the red carpet. A moment after that pose, she dropped the sword. And the crowd went wild.  [++link]

12:22 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Pay no attention to the SS officer over Arnold's right shoulder. Pay not attention. Just look at the puppet...look at the shiny puppet!!!  [++link]

11:57 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Kindly Uncle William will be, for the foreseeable future, in his bunk.   [++link]

11:29 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Like hell Americans don't comprehend irony, Exhibit B.   [++link]

7:31 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

The results are in. Thank Buddha for Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5.   [++link]

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

10:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Consider the Quagga.  [++link]

4:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Ahem: EF team members who persist in defying the edicts of their Uncle William regarding proscribed content will be made to take a Time-Out. Don't you make me get out of my comfy chair and enforce my whims.  [++link]

4:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Got out of the metro this morning and the street was on fire. Everyone was very calm.  [++link]

12:49 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Oh please, just one California politics gag?

Gray Davis demonstrates the kind of gesture that got one of his opponents in a world of trouble and probably made another one famous.   [++link]

11:22 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

An algorithm that can accurately predict an author's gender 80 percent of the time has evolved into the handy-dandy "Gender Genie". So I ran a few tests...

Gettysburg Address
Words: 267 Female Score: 199 Male Score: 443
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Brain Dump, 06/06/03
Words: 686 Female Score: 962 Male Score: 761
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!
(Hmm, and I thought it was a particularly masculine topic this time.)  [++link]

8:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

There's the theory that Americans don't comprehend irony. I'll let you in on a secret: we've got irony down cold. We're just trying to drive you crazy.  [++link]

Monday, October 06, 2003

4:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The CA recall vote is tomorrow. The Enormous Fun Weblog hereby declares that there will be no further posts in this regard until a final result is announced. We would also like to wish Larry Flynt the best of luck and congratulate him on running a clean campaign.  [++link]

9:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Aussies have come up with an effective male contraceptive medication. No, it isn't Foster's.  [++link]

Sunday, October 05, 2003

3:42 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

If you haven't read Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, run, do not walk, to your local library (or independent bookseller). Then you'll understand why the New Yorker should probably have a plain black cover this week or next.   [++link]

3:37 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Don't you just know that Bill Clinton has the biggest shit-eating grin right about now? It's not quite "crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women," but I bet he's got a little karmic wheel labelled "Republican Party" set up as a desktop fan in his office, whirring away...  [++link]

Saturday, October 04, 2003

12:32 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Ach du Lieber! Gott in Himmel!  [++link]

12:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

One of my officemates is going to London next week. I heard his assistant ask him if he was going to stop off to throw stuff at "that guy".

  [++link]

Friday, October 03, 2003

5:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Rashomon reviews of Kill Bill.   [++link]

11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Robert Smith, looking distressingly like Tiny Tim.  [++link]

Thursday, October 02, 2003

2:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tom Baker being a legendary teller of tales, this could be a joke. Brilliant either way.  [++link]

9:22 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

North Korea is claiming to have oodles more nukes than current intel suggests (our ever-reliable CIA is saying one or two). Analysts are saying this is an attempt to strengthen their negotiating position, although this presumes they are lobbying to be bombed harder and sooner.  [++link]

8:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Rush update: Quitting means never having to say you're sorry.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

4:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Let me parse this out: 1. Rush states that a player receives preferential treatment because of his race, 2. These statements are called "racist", 3. Rush denies the statements about the player's race are "racist", and defends them further by concluding that he must be right, otherwise no one would be upset. By this logic, if he was wrong, all the sportswriters he implied were inflating said player's reputation to pander to black folks would have sent him flowers and teddy bears.  [++link]

11:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Norway's national film board has lifted a longstanding ban on hundreds of films deemed too sexually explicit or violent. Most of them were also utter shit. I'm interested in the fallout, of course. Can't wait to see the influence of New Jack City and Miller's Crossing on all those happy Vikings.  [++link]

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