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Friday, January 31, 2003

1:55 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Hippies suck.  [++link]

12:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Goon, stooge, muppet, shitwit, dupe, tool, and prisoner for life: Richard Reid.   [++link]

12:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Look for this toon on every god damned dorm room door in Christendom...  [++link]

12:08 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Dave Barry has a blog. This is apparently Ken Layne's doing. Eventually we will all have blogs and the cool nifty new hobby will be shutting the fuck up and keeping our witty little observations to ourselves.  [++link]

Thursday, January 30, 2003

5:21 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Unlike Kindly Uncle William, I did watch the SOTU. Okay, I read it on the internet, because I didn't feel like getting up at 5 a.m. to catch the live broadcast. So I figure I am entitled to a one-to-one editorial comment/snark ratio. The writers did a respectable job and I was pleasantly surprised that our Idiot-Manchild-in-Chief boldly proposed funding research into alternatives to gas-powered automobiles. (Mind you, he tried to make Al Gore look like a tree-hugging psycho communist porn king for expressing remarkably similar ideas just two years ago.) I was also pleasantly surprised to see that the White House transcript included his verbal fumbles and recoveries. What the transcript doesn't show, however, is that our Fearless Leader still says "new-KYOO-ler." Dammit, man, if you can't pronounce 'em, you shouldn't be allowed to launch 'em.   [++link]

11:59 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In an apparent rebuff to France and Germany's reluctance to approve military action, the leaders of Britain, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Hungary, Poland, Denmark and the Czech Republic said Baghdad must not be allowed to violate United Nations resolutions. That's eight to two right there.  [++link]

8:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Lileks is an evil little man for unearthing the adventures of crappy rubber action figure Major Matt Mason.   [++link]

12:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, at least one of the "Joe Millionaire" women has been humiliated on film before. I bet it was more fun the old way, or at least classier.  [++link]

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

12:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Ow, ow, it hurts not being able to snark. Ow, ow, owwww...  [++link]

12:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Didn't watch the SOTU address last night. I had a good excuse, but regardless I must now disqualify myself from issuing any manner of snark re: our Commander in Chief for a period not to exceed one week.   [++link]

12:24 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

And the 2003 Award for Having Some Wicked Sack goes to Peter O'Toole.  [++link]

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

5:04 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

P.J. O'Rourke once defined earnestness as stupidity sent to college. Ladies and Gentlemen, Enormous Funksters, I submit to you that Earnest has gone post-doctoral. Yeah, I shouldn't poke fun at deeply committed individuals blah blah blah but for fuck's sake, do you seriously think that the Iraqi people are going to thank you for taking up one of their hospital beds? Do everyone a favor: give your plane fare to the Red Cross/Red Crescent and stay home. There's a complimentary copy of Sit Down and Shut The Fuck Up waiting in your mailbox.  [++link]

4:23 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Russians have a long and noble history of getting their undies in a bunch over art, but they're still years behind us when it comes to complaining about children's books and movies. They recently made a great leap forward, using their 20th century technique of Getting Huffy About Their Leader's Public Image. Practice makes perfect, comrades.
  [++link]

3:55 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Which Pulp Fiction character are you?  [++link]

11:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You don't wanna be watching no Sopranos trying to do murders and get away with it. You wanna watch some serious CSI, and none of that dogass Crossing Jordan.  [++link]

8:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I quote: "The Lords of the Chicken Planet are descending on Arkansas to free their brethren!"   [++link]

8:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm firming up options for how to spend my fortieth birthday (I have three years to plan). This is the current front-runner.  [++link]

Monday, January 27, 2003

5:45 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Speaking of science, is it time for the Darwin Awards already?  [++link]

5:21 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Cram session, boys and girls. Time to brush up on your physics:
Britney's Guide to Semiconductor Physics
A Brief History of Rhyme
Hop to it!  [++link]

2:53 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

As if we don't have enough problems trying to control epidemics, now some idiots are convinced that death is trendy and exciting.  [++link]

11:27 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Chinese authorities are still a storm of utter bastards, by the way.  [++link]

11:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

There was a moment there when DC United was going to sign Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne; unluckily for us he came to check things out during the summer. He's found a more habitable spot, apparently. Let's see how that goes...  [++link]

11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Raiders don't look so tough in those white outfits. Keep your eye on Dr. Thompson's column this week, I bet the next one is going to be a fine screed.  [++link]

Saturday, January 25, 2003

7:00 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Let's get ready to TREMBLE!!! Before the SUN-LIKE magnificence of the IMMORTAL war-god BOB-HOVA!!! The SIGNS and portents tell of GLORY!!!  [++link]

Friday, January 24, 2003

6:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In spite of my much-discussed cargo-cult Anglophilia, I had no idea that British Home Secretary David Blunkett was blind. His adorable guide dog Lucy is retiring today.  [++link]

2:57 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Two hundred years ago, the city of Dublin came to a standstill and thousands of mourners lined its cobbled streets to say goodbye to Arthur Guinness, whose black brew destroys and restores us to this day. Homage is due; today being Friday I submit that this should be A-Day (Observed).  [++link]

2:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Sex: We're creepy and sick about it, too.  [++link]

2:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Sex: we love it, we hate it, we still don't have a clue about it.  [++link]

Thursday, January 23, 2003

12:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Mind you, we can thank our intellectual and cultural superiors in the UK for Pop Idol. It's not just our crappy, infantile tastes that are flooding the media with shit.  [++link]

12:15 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No, the Kangaroo Jack thing isn't a fluke. We are a nation of complete fucking retards. We deserve no better than what we are given.  [++link]

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

5:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I was thinking about retiring the "[whatever] is good/bad for you this week" blogfill standard, since it's a bit easy and I stole it from the Onion anyway. Thoughts?  [++link]

4:59 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Look, I know that some of the rules change on a week to week basis: right now we're on a lucky streak with chocolate, beer, and wine. But for fuck's sake, people, when did we lose sight of the basics? The good news is that I'm apparently not the only one who feels this way.   [++link]

12:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Just went to the dentist yesterday, and am given to understand my teeth and gums are in excellent health. This makes my compulsive personality traits just glow inside me like fireflies in a jar. I am sure that I am not alone in this.  [++link]

11:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fred "I'm not so stupid that I shouldn't know in my heart I'm yesterday's news" Durst has apparently been raving with Courtney Love levels of pathos about wanting to tap the ass of former Pepsi shill B. Spears. I can't find the text for the roaring, Cartman-like storms of milk-snarfing derision this moment deserves. [ed: done fixed that dupe link now]  [++link]

11:28 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

A Boston architect is leading the effort to incorporate an unused 1908 design by Spanish architect Antoni Gaudi into the planned WTC memorial. I hope he's successful.  [++link]

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

2:06 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

American Kabuki is not the safest of professions.  [++link]

11:45 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm seeing a lot of stories about how fucking great our tech is for the upcoming invasion. Not that I don't find it interesting, I just don't like the idea that all my news sources are being fed gee-whiz stories to get us hyped for watching the IMMORTAL war-god BOB-HOVA smiting our puny enemies with BOLTS OF HIS RIGHTEOUS LIGHTNING all over CNN in a couple weeks.   [++link]

11:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Those of us who where concerned about the Netherlands spiraling down into xenophobia with everyone else in Europe can have a cocoa and worry about something else for a while, it would seem.  [++link]

1:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Immature cells from bone marrow are able to travel to the brain and become fully functioning brain cells, scientists have found. Those of us who in our youth subscribed to the "pruning" theory of brain maintenance are cautiously optimistic at this news.  [++link]

Monday, January 20, 2003

9:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Wanna get your bone on with Weebl?   [++link]

5:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Raelians, who are just one more bunch of hypercredulous grin-masked fruit-pops with a laugh-out-loud dogma based on hack science fiction and a leader with some sort of prostate problem, have gotten too much attention already and must now be aggressively and totally ignored. Start now by not clicking this link.  [++link]

11:05 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In honor of Dr. King's memory, I'd simply like to say that Colin Powell has some wicked sack.   [++link]

10:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Pornography will be the engine driving demand for ultra-fast mobile phones, according to Charles Prast, chief executive of porn empire Private Media Group: "In new technologies, adult services usually account for 80 percent of traffic. It has been so with video, the Internet and DVD. It is natural to assume it will be the same with mobile Internet." These claims manage to sound simultaneously like self-serving bullshit and common sense; I'd like to see where his numbers come from.
  [++link]

10:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If I've got the math right here, approximately 50% of the people who went to the movies this weekend are fucking retards.   [++link]

Saturday, January 18, 2003

8:56 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

This is just what I need to cope with the deja vu of impending war with Iraq. Apply liberally as needed.   [++link]

Friday, January 17, 2003

2:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Best dopey Flash toy in ages. (Link snatched from diepunyhumans.)  [++link]

8:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

There's nothing wrong with going for an easy target now and again.   [++link]

8:23 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

French President Jacques Chirac has delivered a blunt warning against any unilateral action on Iraq, saying it would contravene international law. I am now 100,000% in favor of war with Iraq this very minute.   [++link]

Thursday, January 16, 2003

5:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This just in: Wasted college kids fall down sometimes, and really wasted college kids fall down more. I'm all for basic research, but this is setting the bar a bit low. Hey, watch out for that bar, Phish-boy...  [++link]

5:03 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The penguins are not what they seem.  [++link]

12:41 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Which celebrity pedophile are you?  [++link]

11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The directors of the Monica Lewinsky documentary "Monica in Black and White" have been tapped to do another documentary for HBO productions. Guess the subject.  [++link]

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

12:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If you were a C-average rich kid who got into Yale as a legacy, wouldn't you think it was only good taste to absent yourself from arguments about the worth of helping minorities get into a state school? I mean, regardless of the validity of the opinions you are expressing, shouldn't you have something better to do than give the opposition more easy-to-use tools for hammering you and your party for being clueless racists?  [++link]

12:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You know those Miller Liet ads with the two chicks wrasslin' in concrete in their undies? Turns out that middle-aged moms don't like those ads. Apparently they show that men are dumbasses who drink crappy beer and think about titties. I'd better start writing in complaining about how gross tampon and hot flash ads are, and how they just show that women are obsessed with the icky minutiae of their baby plumbing.  [++link]

10:08 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If that Rowling woman is fucking with me again, I'm gonna start stalking her. That's not just an excuse to go to Scotland this summer, either.  [++link]

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

5:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

More noises about Buffy not coming back. I don't read the stuff anymore, I can't take it. At least there's some good news...  [++link]

1:32 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Iranian parliament has indicated a willingness to ban the practice of punishing women who have intercourse outside of marriage by killing them with rocks. I'm not exactly ready to cheer the country's first tentative steps back out of the first millennium, but some amount of praise is warranted.  [++link]

9:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Didja know that "doozy", as in "Jeepers, that's a doozy! 23-skidoo!", is an eponym? True: Doozy was short for Duisenberg, and Duisenberg cars were huge, ostentatious boats, even by the standards of the day. This is relevant, since I'm betting the term will come back, slightly repurposed.  [++link]

Monday, January 13, 2003

11:17 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Self-adoring fat fuck Al Sharpton is set to challenge hateful scold Joe Lieberman for the honor of being the 2004 Democratic presidential candidate. "We're moving full speed ahead," Sharpton has intoned, which sounds great coming from a man who couldn't outrun Ozzy Osbourne unless someone threw a Twinkie. I swear, I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but the Democratic convention is shaping up to look like uglier reality TV than Anna Nicole's show.  [++link]

10:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Update: Kournikova is claiming that it's all rumor, and that she doesn't have "Property of Nike Corporation, Beaverton, OR" tattoo'd above her punchy little butt.   [++link]

8:48 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This is interesting, at least to me, since I find Asperger's fascinating. Yes, I know, wheels within wheels. I'm predicting a trend towards corporate sponsorship of high-functioning autistic obsessives for use as consultants.   [++link]

8:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The mercurial Dr. Thompson had a column on ESPN Page 2 for a while, but took a lengthy flake-break spring of last year. I gave up and stopped checking, so of course he's posting again.   [++link]

8:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Anna "what do you MEAN I'm last year's news?" Kournikova has gotten a tattoo on her ass, but she's being cagey about it for some reason. We'll see it soon enough; I'm predicting a Pam & Tommy vid of her will show up in 2003.   [++link]

Sunday, January 12, 2003

3:23 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

If ever a human being did not need airbrushing, it is the sublime (and very astute) Ms. Winslet. Why this particular lily got gilded is beyond me.   [++link]

3:15 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Think twice next time you start to say, "Oh, for Pete's sake!" Now I know why I find "Tommy" more unnerving as an adult.   [++link]

3:05 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Hi Enormous Fun fans. Haven't posted for a while. I could come up with a litany of excuses:
1) I've been busy doing my part to save the Iberian lynx (hic)
2) I was actually in London the day Joe Strummer died (I have an alibi, thank you) and was too brain-frozen at the serendipity of just having seen the new 007 flick, which employs "London Calling" in the soundtrack (not making any of that up)
3) I was boycotting until Kindly Uncle William updated the Brain Dump

But really, I was just on vacation (see excuse #2 above). I'm back now and as cranky as ever, vacation effects having worn off. If you promise to miss me, I promise to go away again in a few weeks.

  [++link]

Friday, January 10, 2003

10:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tricky communication tools like irony and sarcasm should both be used only among aware and consenting adults.   [++link]

10:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tremble! Tremble before the Sun-Like Benificence of the IMMORTAL War-God BOB-HOVAH!!!   [++link]

8:52 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Time for the Enormous Fun Week in Review:

• Ali G will be doing a show on HBO, which will amuse me, a few of my friends, and tragically no one else watching. Maybe he'll have Adebisi on for a guest shot to pull in Oz viewers.


• I came in way too late on this story.


• Booze is good for you this week and the Iberian lynx needs you to pop corks. The solution for those who are not habitual wine drinkers, as I have said, is Belgian beer.

Thursday, January 09, 2003

6:05 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

I always thought they were awesome, despite the shooting incidents. Give them 37 cents and they'll deliver your words to the most remote part of the country. Now be nice, and don't go getting any ideas here, okay?  [++link]

12:08 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I was expecting this earlier, but now will do just fine.  [++link]

10:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Courtney Love is denying rumors that she fucked up Joe Strummer's funeral in a drug-fueled psychotantrum. Also for the record, she's not on heroin, she hasn't spent years and a fortune bullying her husband's bandmates into giving her shut-the-fuck-up money, she didn't drive her idiot junkie husband to his grave, she's an important artist, and her daughter's going to grow up and be perfectly well-adjusted.   [++link]

10:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Do karaoke, go to jail. It's that simple.   [++link]

10:28 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Guy in Hackney (London borough, I think) has been holed up in his apartment with a gun for two weeks, holding hostages, shooting at cops, and keeping the block in lockdown. I note this now only because I can't believe I missed this story so completely.  [++link]

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

10:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

See? Booze is good for you this week. Told you. Now get on with the lynx-saving.  [++link]

9:47 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In the small but wonderful world of things that I am the only man in America who cares about, Ali G has a series in the works for HBO. Read the whole article; I nearly missed it in my fugue of joy over the end of Sex in the City.  [++link]

12:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

My life's in the shitter/
Say the Bells of Gary Glitter...  [++link]

12:39 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

God damn you people, start drinking more wine with proper corks. If you don't like wine, drink Belgian beer. Odds are both of these are good for you this week, and you'd be helping to save the beautiful Iberian lynx.  [++link]

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

4:43 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Maybe it sounds different in Australian, but man. You say the words "beer" and "wench" too close together in my house, you better want your ass kicked.  [++link]

9:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Unsurprisingly, sociopath John Allen Muhammad (henceforth Johnny Three Names II) appears to have been doing crimes for a living for years. My bet for next story is that he turns out to have done murders in Antigua.  [++link]

9:08 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Back once again is the renegade Bruncher (S for Shuttlecock) -- Power to the People.  [++link]

12:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Jesus Christ and his apostles may have used a cannabis-based anointing oil to help cure people, it has been claimed. Well, it explains the beard, the sandals, and why he lived at home until he was in his thirties...  [++link]

Monday, January 06, 2003

11:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The two largest remaining bastions of Stalinism are N. Korea and a group house outside of Berkeley (with a mercurial leader enforcing the hardline one-flush-per-day bathroom policy). The one with nukes is way pissed about the latest Bond flick. They apparently think Pierce Brosnan sucks ass compared to Connery, and that Halle Barry didn't get enough screen time. (Also, they are concerned that scorpions might have been harmed during the totally unrealistic and unfair torture scenes.)  [++link]

11:37 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Overloaded backpacks are apprently only a risk if you're the sort of awkard, stumbling Pointdexter who'd have an overloaded backpack in the first place. Ponder the poignant irony of that while I give you this wedgie.  [++link]

12:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Here's one for all of you who find my blog by googling "enormous German cocks".  [++link]

Friday, January 03, 2003

11:57 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Broadband users smirk and grin: Kill Bill Trailer Time is Here.  [++link]

9:55 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You never know what others really think of you. Except in the case of Amazon.com suggestions and TiVo.   [++link]

12:12 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Erm uh, there was Xmas Weebl and I was too busy with my crass commercial depressive hell to notice. You may all kill me.   [++link]

Thursday, January 02, 2003

3:33 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Going for a hat trick: Ciggies are bad for you twice this week.  [++link]

12:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Bad for you this year: Ciggies, and how.  [++link]

11:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The DC metro area's first baby of 2003 has two mommies. Nice human interest angle there, and it will annoy all the right people.  [++link]

10:48 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Good for you this year: tea and beer. So far it's a good year to be English.  [++link]

Wednesday, January 01, 2003

11:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Um, happy new year. Sorry, today was all about naps.  [++link]

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