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Wednesday, November 27, 2002

2:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Here's your moment of zen. All you Enormous Funkers the world over have a happy Thanksgiving.  [++link]

2:38 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The best part of Changing Rooms (the BBC show they remade here as Trading Spaces) is their carpenter, "Handy" Andy. He's nowhere near as telegenic as Ty or Amy-Wynn, but he told that goblin Hildi that her room was crap. I'm going to the BBC site to find out how to buy that man a pint.   [++link]

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

2:45 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Hey kids, give it half a chance, why don't you? (But what am I complaining for, he's back on the market, yum yum.)  [++link]

12:36 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

If you have a decent web connection for watching video, don't miss this series of clips taken from a PBS documentary on Iraq, in which a British journalist attempts to find out as much as he can about the place before getting deported. Warning: the video contains the obligatory chilling imagery of masked stormtroopers marching in formation, and their training in which they are required to kill dogs with their bare hands. If you have any questions about whether or not Saddam Hussein is a totalitarian dictator, take a look. I don't think Hollywood's got the intelligence or the chops to fabricate this kind of footage.

Best line of the series is when the waggish journo announces to the chemical plant tour guide, without explicitly saying so, that the tour itself is a sham, because what journalist knows what uranium compounds are supposed to look like anyway? "I wouldn't know the difference between 'yellow cake' and marzipan!" And of course, there's the physicist shucking and jiving his way through the inspection, like "Nooo-kleer physics? What's that?"

A part that surprised me, mainly by waking me up to my own cultural naivete, was how blase', even approving, the people he interviewed seemed to be about the public beheadings of accused prostitutes. To regular Iraqis, such events are common knowledge, although the rest of the world is not supposed to believe the executions happen. I really should not have been shocked. I mean, this takes place in a part of the world where for women, merely being suspected of sexual availability justifies capital punishment. Even the Iraqi official (A.K. Hashimi) who was interviewed on the subject said, "The US couldn't think of any worthwhile human rights violations to mention, so they accuse us of something trivial." *Shudder*.
  [++link]

12:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Beer is good for you this week, according to the ever-reliable Dutch.  [++link]

8:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Get ready for a hard-hitting expo-zay on Trading Spaces... Ready? No, there aren't any orgy pictures. Where are you going?  [++link]

12:00 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"Ask someone who didn't have the extra minute what it was like and they were likely to reply: 'It was hell -- like being raped by an unlubricated fire hose.' Ask someone who did have the extra minute and the answer tended to be, 'Not so bad'." Princeton has its second Nobel winner in a decade; this one appears to be safe from Ron Howard.  [++link]

Monday, November 25, 2002

11:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"In the rare cases where this does succeed, the subject becomes freaked out by the experience and runs away." News of the brutal, masculine-smelling, mano a mano world of squirrel fishing. (link c/o Hollyism)  [++link]

3:01 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthady to you,
Happy Birthday, Barb & Jennnnnnnnnnna,
Happy Birthday to you.  [++link]

1:07 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

So I'm checking out a fine Harry Potter puppet show, and they called the rather-hot Oliver Wood a bishounen.  [++link]

8:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Once again, Cat & Girl gets it sooooo right.  [++link]

8:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Woooooo!!! Computer-assisted Hot Panda Lovin' is on it's way!  [++link]

8:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In spite of having spent some awful years at a High School named after him, I maintain a healthy respect for Winston Churchill. And I seem to have retained a goodly amount of trivia about the old tub. Here, take an amusing BBC online quiz and don't disappoint me.  [++link]

8:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, has denied having called Princess Di a "harlot" or a "trollop" in various correspondence. I believe him. This is the Duke we're talking about; he'd have called her a "fat, common wog-fancier".  [++link]

Sunday, November 24, 2002

7:02 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Common sense becomes a slightly less uncommon virtue.  [++link]

6:57 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

How do you say, "hint, hint, ahem, hint" in Arabic?   [++link]

6:52 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

You know, it's not that I have anything against the animal rights movement, it's just that I have a different set of priorities. If I were convinced that we were all doing a spectacular job of taking proper care of our fellow human beings, then I'd be all over this idea. But really, this is all just quibbling over semantics, and I can't be bothered right now.   [++link]

Saturday, November 23, 2002

5:00 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

All Chretiens are liars.   [++link]

Friday, November 22, 2002

1:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Tom Jones is apparently starring in "Scanners: The Musical".  [++link]

11:02 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I was expecting this quiz earlier, but it took nearly two days for it to show up after some bunch of geography dorks tested 100 morons off the streets of NYC and found that most of them couldn't find New Jersey on a map. Since my readers are an intellectual elite all their own, I expect you all to do well.  [++link]

10:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Scientists have discovered the canine Eves. Apparently 15,000 years ago, your stupid Labrador or sly basenji were Chinese wolves.  [++link]

10:54 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Weed is bad for you this week.  [++link]

Thursday, November 21, 2002

4:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Welsh cannot play the race card, apparently. This is a shame, since I imagine it is one of the few consolations of being classified SDD (short, dark & dirty). (Cheers to Greg & Dee for passing this along.)  [++link]

12:58 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I am now officially one step closer to having a pint in a pub in Oxford with my girlfriend and her basenji.   [++link]

12:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Dove dark chocolate is good for you this week.   [++link]

12:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Achewood: It rules.  [++link]

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

2:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I used to work for the Department of Defense's health care complaint department, and I spent nearly a year watching them trying to get away with fucking over surviving WWII and Korea vets, whom they told hideous lies to get them to enlist back in the day. The bureaucrats have won this particular battle for now, but they'd best not get comfy.  [++link]

8:47 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Has the world gone mad? If you won the war, nothing you did counts as a "war crime" (imagine I'm doing air quotes). Those are the rules; that's the only way anyone summons the will to win. I guess I can see how the Germans could forget that the Brits were on the winning side of WWII, of course.  [++link]

8:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

For pity's sake, can't a demented, reclusive manchild/millionaire surgically mutilate his face and play oops-a-baby from a third-storey balcony without the whole world getting noisily squicked? Grow up, people. I blame the Swiss.  [++link]

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

8:39 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Some feller has written a full-on work of literary fiction based on his experience playing Quake III Arena. Does this validate my notion of writing a novel about moping around my apartment scouring the internet for crap to post on my blog?  [++link]

8:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

James Coburn died. Jesus, how many of the original Magnificent Seven are still around?  [++link]

8:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Diesel Sweeties rocks my world every weekday morning. But especially this one.  [++link]

8:04 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hey, Myra Hindley died. Missed that. She'd been in jail since I was born, which is less than she deserved. Enjoy Hell, you hideous cow.  [++link]

Monday, November 18, 2002

4:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Streak Breaks: Coffee is bad for you again this week.   [++link]

4:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Just renewed the enormousfun.com domain, which means I've been sitting on it for a freakin' year. I have in fact done almost nothing with my life this year.  [++link]

4:14 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Drooling now.   [++link]

Friday, November 15, 2002

12:20 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I've done stupider things than googling "smile like a donut", but few that I regret as much.  [++link]

12:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

And when they came for the trainspotters, I did not speak out, since I was not a trainspotter.  [++link]

12:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Part of the reason the Brits are so down on Madonna is because they already have Robbie Williams. They're basically the same person. They don't possess any particular musical talent, but they were both a big deal in the 80s or thereabouts and they've hung on to fame for its own sake with lunatic intensity ever since. We don't know who Robbie Williams is because his crappy boy band never made it here back in the day and he apparently spent most of the intervening years pissing away his fortune being a party boy celeb. That sort of thing keeps you in the public eye in the UK, since it sells a lot of tabloids. However, it doesn't get you any international exposure beyond generating annoyance among people like me who follow the UK music press and don't care about clowns like Robbie Williams.

I share this with you because some half-wit at EMI gave Robbie $150 million for his last record, the assumption being that they could make the money back if he "breaks America". What this means is that a huge marketing machine is being built to hammer Robbie down our throats. Sort of like the Spice Girls, only worse. The Spice Girls at least wore distracting outfits...

So, if in the next few weeks you get a special message on your TiVo about ROBBIE WILLIAMS, just hit the clear button. You'll be seeing plenty of him as EMI flails about trying to cut their losses.  [++link]

Thursday, November 14, 2002

3:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Gotten a bunch of hits lately from people searching on "What is Philip Pullman's shoe size?". It's more interesting than people searching for big weenies, but then again maybe it's no different. Anybody want to clue me in here? Does he not list a size on his Amazon wishlist?  [++link]

2:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

God damn it, I missed the National Zoo pumpkin stomp. Not like I didn't check the schedule...  [++link]

12:58 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Michael Jackson: (1) With his wig, (2) Without.   [++link]

11:20 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

There's apparently been a worrying increase in the amount of "terrorist chatter" being monitored by various intelligence agencies. One wonders why, or perhaps not.   [++link]

8:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

You reach a certain age and you get that first terrifying inkling that there really are no grownups in the world, just an endless hierarchy of bigger kids. No one matures; no one loses the instinct to behave like a jackass if they think they can get away with it. I was maybe six when that clicked, and I've mostly managed to repress it since. Things like this remind me.  [++link]

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

3:23 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Americans are used to freezing like stunned bunnies every time our president utters something so absurd it makes his interpreters clear their throats and stare at their feet until he starts blithering again. Russians, in contrast, used to get shot for being the first one to stop clapping no matter how whacked-out the Boss's diatribes got. Somewhere out there is a happy medium: bilingual foreign journalists.   [++link]

10:06 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aliquam tellus. Aenean dictum orci vitae wisi. Vivamus leo erat, sollicitudin at, porta sed, consequat id, neque. Quisque semper semper est. Cras augue turpis, viverra id, aliquet at, luctus in, ante. Sed ultricies, magna vitae dignissim gravida, quam neque auctor magna, sit amet vehicula odio nibh eu erat. Cras id lectus. Sed dictum enim. Etiam tempor diam ac nunc. Nullam ut sapien. Proin luctus. Nulla iaculis. Etiam dapibus elementum risus. (Pace Memepool.)  [++link]

8:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This morning's little treat was hearing the Weather Channel version of the theme from "Shaft" as they informed me that it shall not rain today. Joy. I was getting way tired of showing up at work one wet mother(shet yo mouth).  [++link]

12:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Forgot to wish Manson a happy birthday yesterday. Well, forgot it was his birthday; I actually hope it sucked.  [++link]

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

8:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This is another thing I don't expect anyone but me to give a crap about, but it annoys me that WorldCom (whose incompetence cost me a crapload of cash) also managed to screw over my first-ever ISP. Ah, those heady days of 1993, when I got my first shell account so I could painstakingly craft emails in PINE and slog through alt.tasteless and alt.pave.the.earth over a 2600 modem...

Mind you Digex had lousy service and prices, and I dumped them for Erols. But my point stands that WorldCom came into existence to ruin every aspect of my life.  [++link]

Monday, November 11, 2002

7:10 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Get ready with your great big Cartman-with-milk-coming-out-his-nose gales of derisive laughter: Madonna's New Movie is being released straight to video in the UK.

Oh god. Think they'll lay out a red carpet at the corner video store closest to her HOUSE in LONDON for the PREMIERE? Oh, the laughing, it hurts...

Really, if she wants to do a successful movie, she should hook up with one of those edgy French chicks who've been directing those we're-making-a-statement art-house hardcore movies. No one believes the old girl can act her way out of an open door, but I bet a staggering number of people would still pay to see her suck a big dick. For art's sake.  [++link]

11:46 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

My prognosticatin' re: the 5% Snipers has so far come up 0%. Turns out the kid was the main shooter, and he's being tried first in my home state because we'll execute anyone, including underage foreign nationals.   [++link]

9:02 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

My free e-mail provider makes up for its awesome spam filtering by having annoying little flash ads that pop up repeatedly at lightning speed (while my daily comics in html trickle in like honey in winter). One day I must have seen the ad for Eminem's pseudo-auto-bio about 150 times in ten minutes. I vowed that I would not go see this flick if paid a million dollars in gold bullion and Saddam Hussein had my mother at gunpoint. Not everybody else feels the same way, clearly, but I ain't changing my mind. There is a principle at stake here. Flashy ad saturation must die. Who's with me?   [++link]

8:32 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I am outraged, indignant, appalled. Or, I would be, if I thought there was a chance they'd last more than 18 months, tops.   [++link]

12:41 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Weed is bad for you again this week.   [++link]

Saturday, November 09, 2002

6:39 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

All Blacks lose to England. World obviously coming to end.  [++link]

Friday, November 08, 2002

5:29 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

You know, at least Johnny-Three-Names got a trial. I think the word we want here is, "Ooops."   [++link]

11:37 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

When the Chinese get out their whomping sticks, HH the DL straps on a helmet.  [++link]

9:28 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Streak Holds: Coffee is good for you two weeks running. But only Dutch coffee and by the quart.  [++link]

Thursday, November 07, 2002

8:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Public safety requires that we keep the squirrels properly terrified of us.  [++link]

8:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

On the couch watching watching TV with girlfriend Liz last week, she sez to me, If you actually cooked, I'd understand why you stopped on cooking shows. I was slightly wounded, since I do cook a bit, but I kept my yap shut since I was actually stopping on Nigella Lawson. Whose old neighbors are a bit annoyed with her, it would seem.  [++link]

7:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"President Reagan may not be capable of understanding this honor," Lugar continued, "but we owe it to him nonetheless."  [++link]

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

3:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

In her deeply researched narrative, Gabrielle Glaser throws herself headlong down the nose's dark and mysterious passageways. Enjoy.  [++link]

1:51 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

The Russians have a very different perspective on acceptable gains, as well.   [++link]

12:23 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Fucking Joanne Rowling and her evil, teasing ways. Give us our book, damn you, and let us stuff more money in your pockets.  [++link]

12:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I have found a solution to you clowns not taking my books. Now I just have to do the cull. Thank god winter is coming and I'll be trapped in my apartment like a mad monk.  [++link]

12:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The nice people at PopCap specialize in fun, quick-loading online games that trap you for hours doing no work. They are satan. The latest time-vampire for me is Bookworm, which nearly kept me from doing laundry and making my lunch. I'd have gone to work dressed like a clown and spent five bucks on lunch had I not dragged myself away. Enjoy.  [++link]

Monday, November 04, 2002

12:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I make a point of not mocking science fiction and fantasy enthusiasts (with the exception of furries and hentai freaks, whom I think are pathological and not to be left alone with anyone incapable of basic self-defense). This isn't so much because I'm one of them; more because I have a number of good friends who are both major fans and not squealing, stinky, ill-socialized arrested-development cases. Just because someone is moved to sleep rough during a Norwegian winter as a demonstration of Tolkien fandom doesn't make them...

I'm sorry, I've forgotten where I was going with this.  [++link]

5:30 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Word is that the stuff will make you cry like Nancy Kerrigan.   [++link]

Friday, November 01, 2002

4:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Meteors! The Leonids are going to rule this year! I'm gonna go someplace in the middle of frickin' nowhere for this!  [++link]

8:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I never needed coffee so much as when I was in Amsterdam. (I had a horrible cold and jet lag and was still psychotically determined to enjoy my rainy, freezing vacation.) Dutch coffee is rough going. As a rule it tastes like pencil shavings, and they give you this bizarre petrochemical "melk" to dump in it. But I found a couple of expat spots that serve USA! USA! style coffee, and in fact by the end of my trip I was developing a taste for Dutch brew.

Anyway, Rotterdam, not Amster, has both the best and worst coffee in the Netherlands. Things to bear in mind when planning my next overcaffeinated tromp across Europe.  [++link]

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