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Thursday, October 31, 2002

12:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Sex, weed, and coffee are good for you this week. Enjoy.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

4:08 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I say again: the Russians have a very different view of what constitutes acceptable losses.   [++link]

11:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Man, that is cold. I'm not saying it's wrong, but boy, is it cold.  [++link]

8:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This morning's top web cartoon is Penny Arcade: Pulling Tubes.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

8:57 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Andrew Sullivan has had a blog for two years. It doesn't make him any money, but he has thousands of readers and he can pretty much use the blog as an open pitch to paying publications. I've had a blog for nearly two years, and I'm lucky to get 15 unique visitors a day. It's a perverse compulsive behavior rather than any sort of career endeavor.

Of course, I'm way ahead of Sullivan on bandwidth charges, and perhaps my ego doesn't need overfeeding.  [++link]

4:37 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Are there no good jobs left at all?  [++link]

1:49 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

My new hobby is collecting vicious reviews of Guy Ritchie's remake of "Swept Away." Not that I take particular joy in his misfortune -- quite the contrary. It's just that I am a preternatural smartass, and comments like "I found myself wishing that they would start searching the island for Tom Hanks and his volleyball so they could exchange their octopus soup recipe for some acting lessons" give me a pang of guilty pleasure. I hope that my bad-movie-aficiando chums will hold out for my return, so we can kick it VHS style -- this one sounds like a classic.
Guy. Please. Go back to gangsters with incomprehensible accents. We love you, man. We're really worried.   [++link]

12:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The "usual suspects" trotted out for derision on ye olde Enourmouf Weblog used to be the Swiss and the Taliban. I can't be arsed with the Swiss lately and the Taliban don't exist. I was beginning to despair for lack of easy targets to pot at, and then, like a ray shining through the clouds, came the nominations for the Turner Prize.  [++link]

8:27 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Found the lyrics to my favorite MC Paul Barman song.  [++link]

8:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I've been reading the Bruno comic for years and I don't know why. It's a soap about a girl I'd want to slap silly if I met her, written by exactly the kind of guy whose prattle chased me out of coffeeshops all through college. I'm reasonably sure I was in Northampton at the same time as the cartoonist, and I must have had visions of killing specifically him after ten cups of coffee at the Haymarket. Go read it and see if you can figure this out.  [++link]

7:59 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Found the lyrics to my favorite KRS-ONE song.   [++link]

Monday, October 28, 2002

2:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's a pity they don't still give out those Hero of the Soviet People medals. Yuri Gagarin got one. Poor Laika deserved one too.  [++link]

2:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Those Russians have a very different notion of acceptable losses than we do, as many have learned to their misfortune.   [++link]

2:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So far, I am not doing so well on the prognosticatin' front.  [++link]

12:43 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

Will's not the only one with a book problem.  [++link]

12:11 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No earthly good can come of this, other than an increased chance of Johnny Knoxville and his friends retiring on disability.  [++link]

Sunday, October 27, 2002

2:55 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

They do politics so much better Down Under.   [++link]

1:08 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Hey, just a friendly reminder, check your clocks, it's time to fall back. Me, I spent my bonus hour farting around on the Internet. Another hour I won't get back, but hey, see the post below.   [++link]

1:02 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I love articles like this. They really put all my wee troubles in perspective.   [++link]

Saturday, October 26, 2002

5:00 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

"Guerilla theatre" takes on a whole new meaning.   [++link]

4:52 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Yet another reason to expect that HP3 will be a departure from the first two: one more for the Ave Atque Vale files. Mad props.   [++link]

2:53 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++

All ye know and all ye need to know... about what every sort of European and quasi-European bigot thinks about their neighbors. Enormous Fun! From the prodigal EF Farm Reporter.  [++link]

Friday, October 25, 2002

4:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Apparently the White Van thing was an eyewitness error. Of course there were white vans spotted at all subsequent incidents. You can't be out of doors for five minutes without seeing one. I'm still getting the nanosecond of Oh My God every time I see one, which is every two blocks walking to and from work. Might take a few days for that to die down.  [++link]

4:50 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hey! HEY! The guy who did Y Tu Mama Tambien is going to do the third Harry Potter! All the Potter/Malfoy slashfic weirdos are going to lose their shit...  [++link]

11:05 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++

So I'm reading Slate's article about the duck in the noose, and all the referred links are grey -- I've already visited them. Looks like he did the exact same Google search that I did yesterday. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't professional journalists supposed to have slightly better research skills than the average web surfer?  [++link]

Thursday, October 24, 2002

10:50 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

For those of you who read the rest of the site, I've updated the front page for the first time in two months. You can click on the enormous link above, or perhaps here.  [++link]

3:18 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

So, they found a rifle. We know the make, here's my bet on the model.  [++link]

7:59 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Kut Nederlanderen!   [++link]

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

1:20 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Speaking of British and television, TV Go Home has roused from its slumber once again.  [++link]

1:17 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I hate Tom Green, I hate Jackass, I hate Crank Yankers, and I hate prank TV in all its forms. I of course love Trigger Happy TV because I am the sort of PBS-suckled Anglophile who thinks the British version of anything is inexplicably better (excepting candy bars and fast food). I have a whole rant about how THTV's underlying theme is the pomo apotheosis of Stanley Milgram's experiments on obedience to authority, but I will spare you for now.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

6:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Roger Moore? No, no, Fucking Moroccans.  [++link]

8:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Just a quick question to ponder, and then I'll start rambling in earnest: Is Vincent D'Onofrio our generation's Shatner? If so, is Law & Order: Criminal Intent his Star Trek or his T.J. Hooker? Think about the mannerisms, and don't go for the easy answer, please.  [++link]

Sunday, October 20, 2002

11:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The inventor of the Anna Kournikova RealDoll adds a final flourish.  [++link]

11:32 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Roumania's new motto: We Can Suck Just Like the French.  [++link]

11:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

When you're as fucked up as East Timor, you really have to reach to find a way to get a head shake or two. This is a master stroke.  [++link]

Saturday, October 19, 2002

10:31 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I still say that car size is the most reliable indicator.   [++link]

Thursday, October 17, 2002

9:52 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++

What bright side? There is no bright side to a lost chance to see Colin Farrell, Schumacher or no.  [++link]

8:05 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm not going to look for a bright side to this sniper business, but it is fucking up Joel Schumacher's game.  [++link]

12:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I deal with telemarketers by hanging up on them. I have no problem with this, since they are taking advantage of people's good manners in order to practice annoying hard-sell tactics. I am also at baseline much meaner than average and must save my good manners for face-to-face situations. For those who need some sort of tool for handling phone solicitors, try this.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

3:49 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Yes, I've missed them, bless their little plasticine hearts. So have you.  [++link]

3:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Redheads feel more pain than we do. I can't even begin to parse out for you the fugue state of evil thoughts this bit of news has induced in me.  [++link]

8:15 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

That's the Home Depot I go to for all my household disaster projects; a friend's wife missed hearing the shot by ten minutes. Demented piece of shit. I hope his dog tells him to use that varmint rifle on himself next. I know I have 45,700 licensed musketeers on my side here, along with every parent in the tri-state area.  [++link]

12:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Paper does beat rock. Fishing, however, does not beat working. And googlewhack beats googlefight, but that may well change.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

4:01 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Dear Mr Bin Laden: Your free trial subscription to Sit Down And Shut The Fuck Up is about to expire! Act now to get a 50% discount off the cover price. For a limited time, we'll throw in a complimentary football phone, transistor radio, and a fleece jacket embroidered with our logo, "I Shut the Fuck Up Already" (also available on a snazzy bumper sticker)!

And remember, a subscription makes a great gift for friends and family! Operators are standing by! Call toll free 1-877-SDA-STFU today.   [++link]

11:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

More excellent news from the strange world of Aardman Animations.   [++link]

10:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm back, and I brought the zoo babies with me.  [++link]

Monday, October 14, 2002

2:48 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Such a deal!   [++link]

2:31 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I have said it before, I will say it again: never let it be said that I didn't give the man credit for apologizing. He must love the taste of his own foot, though...  [++link]

Sunday, October 13, 2002

8:01 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I have to admire his candor. But I still say there's something unseemly about a grandfather pushing 60 leaping around in spandex and leather.   [++link]

7:51 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Okay, just to prove that I am not trying to corner the market on crankiness this weekend, something that makes me happy: my kick-ass weebl and bob t-shirt fresh from the dryer this morning. How handy!   [++link]

7:45 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Oh good grief, they've given him an epithet. That won't feed into his delusional structure, no no no.   [++link]

6:57 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

What's more sad than a zoo without cute baby pictures? Very little.  [++link]

Saturday, October 12, 2002

6:06 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

A wee editorial note: why am I blogging so much from CNN? Because the links last. I went back through the blog archives and found that a lot of my posts just aren't as funny when the links are dead. So I'll do my best to post stuff that's more likely to be around a while. Of course, there will be exceptions. See you tomorrow.  [++link]

5:10 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Okay, what the fuck have the Finns done to piss anybody off lately?   [++link]

4:32 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

NY mayor Bloomberg hits his first major speedbump on the parade route.   [++link]

4:07 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Nice to see the man get mad props, I always liked him.   [++link]

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

2:47 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

What's more disturbing than a fetishist with a website? A fetishist with a manifesto.   [++link]

2:07 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Well, that oughta narrow down the list of suspects.   [++link]

1:55 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I shouldn't be taking such joy in this, but I'm sure that right now, young Master Bass is probably wetting himself with rage. That doesn't make it a good idea per se, but it does put a smile on my face.   [++link]

12:42 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Americans are fatter than God's shit.
Sponge Bob is a fag.
Snoop is going straight edge.
Mark David Chapman thinks he can get parole.
Our British Allies are laying in a huge supply of smallpox vaccine.
Your kindly Uncle William is going to New England to look at leaves.
See you next week, Enormous Funkers.   [++link]

Sunday, October 06, 2002

4:56 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

My neighbors have a dog. It's a whippet. Just guess what his name is. Go on, guess.  [++link]

Friday, October 04, 2002

1:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If they want this free trade zone thing to work, North Korea might want to acquaint themselves with the concept of the pre-date porn sweep.  [++link]

12:28 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I swear somebody out there made this up. Nobody seems to know who, though.   [++link]

12:03 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

The Germans are so much more civilized about their East side vs. West si-yeed rivalries: no rap stars exchanging gunfire, anyway. And no, "cucumber slicer" is NOT prison slang.  [++link]

11:54 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

In response to the events of September 11, 2001, as a nation, we have gathered together, stood firm, and declared to the world, "Screw you guys, I'm going home."  [++link]

7:50 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Euro is boring. Being all excited about different foreign currencies is mostly a holdover from being a very, very nerdy child, but that doesn't change the fact that most european money was pretty cool and that the Euro not only took all of them away but is boring, crappy, and ugly in a way that can only be committee-designed. Rather like all the state quarters except for Connecticut. In particular, I will miss the Guilder (or Florin to all you Princess Bride fans).  [++link]

Thursday, October 03, 2002

11:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

A couple of psychos went driving around my old stomping grounds in Montgomery County today and shot five people dead. Nor relation, random victims. I can't think of a damn thing to say about this; I hope I'm just too tired.   [++link]

11:08 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Things that hadn't occurred to me before in my 36.5 years in the world, #390578723: Chicago's football team is the Bears, and their basketball team is the Bulls, and there might be some sort of theme involved here somewhere...  [++link]

8:05 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Check out Roast Beef's sign.  [++link]

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

10:28 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

He's usually so incoherent when he goes off script that it sounds like he's speaking in tongues. Not this time.   [++link]

10:24 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The needs for skilled technicians are just like need for cheese. Not only the domestic market is gazing at cheese and foreigners are eyeing at it too.   [++link]

10:22 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I feel that I have a considered and well nuanced appreciation of Britney Spears' positive qualities. Quality. Whatever; girl's got a quality like a freakin' basketball, and all the crappy music in the world can't change that.  [++link]

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

11:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Linking to the Brunching Shuttlecocks is a weak-ass blogging move under most circumstances, but I'm going to three weddings three weekends in a row this month and I want you all to be in on what I'll be giggling about during the ceremonies.  [++link]

6:01 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++

Vikings!  [++link]

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