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12:57 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Hey, Warren Ellis has a blog. Or a "newsmine" as he coins it. [++link]
11:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
You wanna see a picture of Enrique Iglesias pawing Anna Kournikova's ass? Sure you do. [++link]
11:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
This was bound to happen the moment DVD players became affordable. Science People: Please stop making faster, better god-damned DVD players and game consoles! Go and find a cure for cancer! Or hangovers, or Anna Nicole Smith. We can make do with current DVD tech for another couple of years... [++link]
12:18 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
A recent study shows that you're a real jerk and everyone else thinks so too. [++link]
2:39 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Pee Diddle, with whom I share a birthday, has gone fashion fascist. [++link]
12:37 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
A serious effort is being made, apparently, to equate the policies of our president with Winston Churchill's. This can't be for the benefit of Americans, who mix up Churchill and Hitchcock as often as not. I fear it is for the benefit of the Brits, whom I hope will respond as lightly as the BBC has chosen to. [++link]
10:45 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Back in the day, I was told by a karate instructor to be very careful about wearing cool patches on my jackets and such if I didn't know precisely what they meant. I remember this, since it is one of the few pieces of good advice I took seriously from an adult, ever. I pass it on now because the craze for ever-more obscure retro/ironic/kitsch t-shirt signifiers is leading our children down the primrose path to potentially serious ass-kickings. [++link]
10:05 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
How do you get up in the morning and say to yourself, "Today I will assist in the development of a Reality TV version of the Beverly Hillbillies"? Presuming you don't consider the entire human race to be a plague of drooling zombies who deserve no better. [++link]
12:56 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I'm going to read this when I can concentrate again, just because how often does Salon publish fiction? You know what I meant, jeez... [++link]
10:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
You wanna see the Australian women's soccer squad topless? Too bad. [++link]
12:19 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
10:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Caffeine is good for you this week. Coffee, however, is bad. [++link]
10:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The DC/Baltimore corridor finds out if it's still in the running for the 2012 Olympics today. Please God No. I had friends who lived in Atlanta in '96; I will move to Bangkok rather than face a DC summer with ten times the traffic and 200% price and rent hikes. Updated: Whew. [++link]
12:02 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Bog Snorkeling: Not, I repeat, not a euphemism for some titanic act of lewdness... [++link]
11:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Tremble before the balding, hunched-over WRATH of Professional Scrabble Guy. [++link]
12:36 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I'm truly hurt that no one from this august organization has seen fit to contact me. [++link]
12:24 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Much is not being made of wee Britney owning up to ciggies, booze, and fucking being part of her complete breakfast. Good move dropping this load when most of her demographic is preoccupied with back-to-school mall action. Otherwise, folks might be twitching over the fact that she can't legally drink anywhere in the US and she didn't actually mention cigarettes when she said she "smoked". [++link]
12:07 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The President of Nigeria has stated that he will shed a tear if a 30-year-old mother is stoned to death for adultery by the Islamic court. He's a sensitive man, apparently, and is too broken up over the issue to use his powers to intervene in any way. To be fair, she has one appeal left, and the court will not execute her until her baby is weaned, but if he intends to intervene it seems pointless to let the drama build. [++link]
11:22 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Voles are inherently funny. Shooting voles out of a cannon in the name of art is funny, but only if they are cartoon voles being shot out of a cannon by a giant hopping mushroom pirate. Yarr. [++link]
11:10 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++
And speaking of memorials, check out the newest meaning of family jewels. [++link]
3:40 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
We have already eulogized 'Steady' Ed Headrick, frisbee engineer. I'm just putting this up because he apparently kept whippets and whippets are cool. [++link]
1:39 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
"It was his fifth drunken-driving offense, the first involving a lawn mower." [++link]
10:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Glad that Buffy is at least pissing off the right people. [++link]
10:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Had my first beer in a bar when I was sixteen, having been invited along with a mob of my brother's friends. I had a passable if ill-advised mustache at the time and was not carded. After about fifteen minutes plowing through the ten-page beer menu and I decided on some Scottish ale that sounded promising and turned out to be really, really good. And I will spare you further reminiscences about my favorite bar of 20 years standing, which just got around to taking its rightful place in the Guinness book. [++link]
8:48 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Someone who isn't me should check out this site and report back. I'm still squicked by the mention of "Go Digital". [++link]
10:11 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Lame headline, great story. [++link]
10:10 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Great headline, disappointing story. [++link]
10:55 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Tremble before the plush wrath of the ancient one. [++link]
10:36 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Dude! Lileks printed my letter in the Backfence! He thinks I'm a chick, but lots of people make that mistake. It's at the end, the bit about Humphrey Bogart. Dude! LILEKS! [++link]
10:26 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Können sie mich jetz gehoren? Gut... [++link]
10:22 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
He still thinks Ronald Reagan is president, and he's working on an animated version of Ben-Hur, which means he doesn't remember that he played a homo in the original. So it's Alzheimer's all right. Poor Chuck. [++link]
11:00 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
We need to form a full assault, it's Canada's fault! [++link]
5:03 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
All right boys and girls, repeat after me: mother...fuckers. Mother...FUCKERS. You don't have to be a wooden-shod, hemp-wearing, vegan PETA stormtrooper to object to this. Nor do you have to be on the mailing list for Paranoid Loners and Fetishists to be thinking about sleeping in the basement for the next year or two. [++link]
12:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
My favorite zoo baby, Kandula the elephant. [++link]
12:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Got nothing for you today. I'm on day 4 of a total caffeine detox and I'm just not here. Here, here's a survey about swearing on TV in the UK. [++link]
12:44 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
This must be what people do when they're far too clever for the Style Invitational or the Capitol Steps. Thank God we have the internet, and thus are past the barbaric age when people had to scrawl on walls with their own blood and filth. [++link]
4:26 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Okay... This is what happens when the anniversary of the King's toilet demise runs into a slowwwwww news week: We got us a weeping bust of Elvis in the Netherlands. [++link]
3:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
All I can think reading this is that DC CityPaper must be moving its offices into a remote suburb or a hardened bunker. [++link]
9:51 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++
12:33 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Speaking of death with "dignity", Happy Anniversary. [++link]
12:27 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
I struggled mightily with the temptation of a cheap laugh on this addition to the Ave Atque Vale files. Turns out that the man himself beat me to the punchline anyway (scroll to the bottom), so I score no karmic points for restraint. [++link]
3:54 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
You can't write anything, even featherweight comedies of manners, without getting The Man's foot on your neck... [++link]
12:43 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Man, do I wish I had her balls. [++link]
11:23 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Papal Deathwatch, extended 10-year remix: "They've got these [interviews] in the file, in the can," said Father Reese... "The TV ones — you'll see me with no gray hair and with gray hair and with various hair styles and different glasses on. You'll be able to date the interviews by counting the wrinkles." [++link]
4:43 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The French really will go to any end to piss us off. Have we really been that obnoxious about our role in saving them from Hitler? [++link]
2:59 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
12:35 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
So, Tommy Lee has watched his smokin' wife and cute wee sprogs ride off into the sunset with skeevy yokel Kid Rock (shudder). He deserves it, the fucking clown. He was lucky, lucky, lucky, and the world rewarded him well beyond what his talents and efforts warranted. He thanks the ineffable Tao by beating on his wife and giving her Hepatitis C. Now he's left with nothing but his joke band, a couple square yards of tattoos, and his big fat kielbasa dick. And another suprise from the ineffable Tao. [++link]
12:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
For the first time in ten years, I feel lucky that I'm not in Prague. [++link]
10:24 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Everyone knows that if you want a revolution, you have to offer punch and pie. There is no honor without pie. [++link]
12:57 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It says here I'm still a youth. Thank god for that, I thought I was a pathetic arrested-development case. Turns out this is all just youthful folly. [++link]
12:09 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I find it so charmingly anachronistic when they call these things Gatling guns. It's equivalent to calling a mainframe computer a Burroughs machine. That's a Vulcan 20mm cannon, kids, and it's the closest thing we have to a particle beam weapon. Rip some shit up, Vanessa. [++link]
11:12 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Look, Chuckles, if you're looking for a way to justify your anachronistic existence, this is NOT going to do the job. The only ones in your family with any fashion sense are dead. [++link]
1:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Trading Spaces freaks: Come 'n' git y'self a whole mess o' Vern Yip interview. [++link]
12:20 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
2:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Prize-winning, virulently atheist, cantakerous British children's author? Ooooh, I need to read this guy's stuff... [++link]
9:33 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Friends, the time to bust Hussein for refusing weapons inspections was five years ago when he first kicked the UN out. Of course, Clinton didn't have Avenging Daddy issues. Sending inspectors back now is like giving the man hand-picked hostages, and we shouldn't fall for it. On the other hand, playing on fears of his ability to use Weapons of Seriously Fucking Up Shit as an excuse to attack is just fucking weak. Just admit that we have an oil jones and have at it, already. [++link]
9:16 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Bad, bad Spike! Go to my room! [++link]
11:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Hot Topic, having found sufficient profit in providing "attitude wear" for tubby mall goths, has decided to share the love with the full range of tubby, insecure teenage girls. The only reason I'm pointing this out is that the name of the new chain freaks me out. [++link]
11:33 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
I guess I'll have to see the movie now. Which Disney Princess are You?
11:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
God has done smote Joe Esterhaz with throat cancer. That means god wants you to shut up, you monomaniacal nightmare. [++link]
10:55 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Someone out there has heard my prayers, one way or another. [++link]
12:52 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
You bet I'm putting this motherfucker on my Amazon wishlist. Next time my neighbors get an early start on their power-tool craft projects, they are getting a hearty hello back... [++link]
9:35 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
So I hear that next season, Spike is going to try to win over Buffy by jumping over a shark tank on his motorcycle. Leaving now. [++link]
1:26 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Looks as though the BritBot is really enjoying that trial subscription to Sit Down and Shut the Fuck Up we offered her last week. Honey, when you're done with that first issue, would you lend it to Ms. Smith? She's next on the SDASTFU prospective client-mailing list. [++link]
1:01 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Well, Charles Manson had his supporters in the courtroom, too. Innocent till proven guilty, right? [++link]
12:54 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
All that and he does dishes, too? Be still, my beating heart. [++link]
12:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Perseid meteor showers this weekend. Get the hell out of the city and go lie out in a field somewhere with a thermos of hot coffee and someone you got love for. [++link]
11:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
11:18 AM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Someone please tell me why we need this. What are they selling? Do they feel the need to remind us that they're famous? At least someone out there has some perspective. [++link]
1:38 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"If it please the court, m'lud, I shall endeavor to prove that my client was bitten, in his youth, by a radioactive Australian, and has since evidenced certain superhuman powers..." [++link]
1:04 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Meet the Icelandic Bridget Jones. She's way funnier, frankly. [++link]
12:01 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Being a bloviating pedant, I "have a theory" about all sorts of things. I never had a satisfactory theory about furries, and luckily Dan Savage has provided one so I don't have to be bothered. Thanks, Faggot! [++link]
1:40 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Weebl's first name is Heinz. He gets hisself a permalink on the left. [++link]
12:25 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
So, we all have secrets. Really, are any of us who we say we are? [++link]
11:27 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
And yea, he did not smite the unbeliever, in its stead quoth he, "Okely-Dokely, neighbor". [++link]
11:15 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Today on Enormous Fun: Dicks, dicks, dicks. [++link]
12:33 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Try to imagine something lamer than Lutheran evangelical children's programming. Can't do it? Okay, the answer is: Retro-kitsch revival Lutheran evangelical children's programming! [++link]
11:51 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
So, if you are seriously jonesing for some Tony Head and have premium cable, you can watch him play an orthodontist in Manchild on BBC America. They're selling it as "Sex in the City for Men", which honestly sounds about as appealing as "Queer as Folk for Breeders" or "Seinfeld for the Well-Adjusted". Of course, I loathe Sex in the City to the depth of my Y-chromos. [++link]
12:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It's friday, isn't it? Why do you keep on doing all that "work"? You should be playing Insanaquarium and thinking about your first beer of the evening. Get to it. [++link]
12:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Um, so we don't get Gazza after all. No one is saying why, exactly, although he is an Englishman and the idea of playing home games in 103 degree heat might have sounded a little too close to the hell he imagined for himself in the depths of his worst years. Shame, since DC United could use any kind of morale booster. [++link]
11:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The dogs have tipped their hand. Fools. Offer them enough cookies and they eventually slip up and reveal their true nature. [++link]
11:54 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Certain animals should have hair. I don't think I'm being narrow-minded or furrycentric here. I just want to be able to tell the difference between animals from the natural world and horrors from the hell dimensions sent to drive me mad. [++link]
2:46 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Docs aren't selling very well anymore. Why, I ask you, does this require a crass, blithering thousand-worder about how dumb and shallow teenagers are? (And why aren't I being paid to write this stuff? I can write badly as quickly as the next guy...) [++link]
10:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
There's a company in NYC that does kidnappings to order for people who have kidnapping fantasies. People pay thousands to be abused and terrorized. Sick. I wonder if they're hiring... [++link]
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