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2:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Spike Milligan is dead, and you should care because he's pretty much responsible for Monty Python, Eddie Izzard, the Kids in the Hall, the State, and a lot of other stuff that's way the hell funnier than Jack Benny or Benny Hill. Spike's own stuff with the Goon Show hasn't held up that well after 50 years, and he was a crank about a number of issues, but he would still say some funny things when provoked. [++link]
2:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Prozac Nation author and archetypal nightmare sophomore year girlfriend Liz Wurtzel's entire world does not extend much beyond her skin and lank, greasy hair. If you missed this after reading her books, note that she thinks that Canada is so far removed from the US that things said to a Toronto journalist are essentially messages in bottles flung into the Arctic ocean. I'd love to link straight to the interview, but the Toronto Globe and Mail archives only go back a week. So you get the New York Post version, which believe it or not doesn't overplay her statements a bit.
One could give the benefit of the doubt and say that she's dealing with the trauma of witnessing these events by burying her feelings so deeply that they only come out in random eruptions, and that these mind-scramblingly self-absorbed and repellent squawks are a desperate cry for help. Or you can Get Your effin' Wurtzel On...
[++link]
1:14 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Prince Harry apparently won't be entering the juvenile justice system over his obvious addiction to dangerous drugs. Rather, he told his dad he got loaded a couple times and had a spliff, and no one has seen fit to railroad him into treatment as if he were sucking dick for crack. [++link]
10:00 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Modest Proposal du jour: lots of this stuff has been said before, but probably not so well, nor by Terry Jones of Monty Python's Flying Circus. [++link]
12:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Updated: Sarah Hughes is Jewish on her mom's side (scroll down a bit, she's under Sasha Cohen, and don't miss the anecdote about Jimmy Shea's grandpa boycotting Hitler's Olympics). And she's cute as a shiny little button, even though she's like a foot taller than Michelle Kwan. (Shout out to DS for the 411.) [++link]
11:47 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
A very wise man once told me of the Japanese proverb, "If you're going to misbehave, do it at least twenty miles from home." I honestly have no idea whether the Japanese say it or not. But there are lots of people taking that advice. [++link]
6:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
With no vague portents of doom from Homeland Security this week, the Board of Directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists has decided to take up the slack. [++link]
2:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
A friend of mine in college who lived in West Dennis, Massachusetts, was perusing my bookshelves once and said, "You know, this one looks like the set designs for our local children's ballet theatre." I look over and she's reading Amphigorey. She had always thought that Mr. Gorey was a local eccentric, which I imagine would have suited him quite well. [++link]
1:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Being the least talented Spice Girl seems to have paid off for Victoria Beckham, who is no doubt going to get a couple of free curries out of this. [++link]
1:26 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
In the case of Pandas v. Pituitary Gigantor Morons Inc, the court finds that Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh has way more clout than Vince McMahon. [++link]
11:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
A recent Gallup poll reveals that Muslims are not happy with the war on terrorism and don't like our President. These sentiments are coupled with a Bart Simpson-esqe We Didn't Do It stance on the 9-11 attacks. Someone get Marketing in here and tell them we are not getting the message out. [++link]
10:10 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Editor's Note: Checking the stats, I note that the blog has gotten a dozen or so hits from searches on "Sarah Hughes Jewish". (I'm getting these hits because of the proximity between the skating post and the Ali G post from last week, and now I'm going to get a bunch more.) Taking a wild guess, I'd say there was a rumor that Hughes is a Jew, and perhaps this was presented in a negative light, since skating controversies and antisemitism both appeal to reactionary cretin demographics.
Anyway, I have no information as to Sarah Hughes' religious background, so if that's why you are here, I can't help you. And if you are bothered by the notion that America's Gold Medal Sweetheart might not be a Christian, you can bop on my schmeckle, you potzer.
[++link]
9:20 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Giant Welsh thug Vinnie Jones has a new movie coming out. I've of course read all the reviews and hype in the UK press, because there is something seriously wrong with me. [++link]
9:12 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"Without the shitting duck," Voltaire remarked, "there would be nothing to remind us of the glory of France". [++link]
12:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The Pentagon and the White House are both furious to hear that someone (elves?) was going to start a disinformation campaign in aid of the war on terrorism. Furious denials are flying to and fro. Or that's what they want you to think... [++link]
11:12 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Funny webcomic guy Jeff Rowland has started a blog to tell the whole world about his pee schedule, which I suppose is one way of saying blogs are mostly narcissistic twaddle. The funny ending to this will be when he finds himself unable to stop. Blogging, I mean. [++link]
10:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
From today's Lileks: "If I could be anyone in the movies, it would be Gene Kelly. A man ought to be able to dance like that, just in case you’re in a bar and Cyd Charisse walks in. She probably won’t. But she might." [++link]
10:45 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Not a Livejournal Emulator: What kind of American are you? [++link]
10:31 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Ave atque Vale Corner: Oh, this one hurts so much. I'm going back to bed, in hopes of dreaming of a world where Wagner is always sung in hybrid New York accents. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the lepinity! [++link]
5:48 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
That's it, if he can do it, it's about time I bit the bullet. [++link]
4:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Openly gay figure skater Rudy Galindo shatters a stereotype. [++link]
12:51 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Your cell phone sucks. [++link]
12:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Michelle Kwan didn't get her gold medal. That sucks, and I mean that in an entirely heterosexual way, even though I'm discussing figure skating. I'm actually cool with Sarah Hughes, since she reminds me of Alison Hannigan more than that horrid Lipinski creature. And I didn't watch last night anyway, so I didn't have to hear her squeal like a stomped rat when she won. [++link]
5:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
John Thaw, who played Inspector Morse for over a decade, has died at age 60. Ave Atque Vale, you bastard. [++link]
5:08 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"Cass tends to be a rather aggressive bird. Wendell is very nervous; always has been. He's on edge all the time. They're currently in a dispute with another couple over their nest. It seems to be one of the most desirable places in the penguin enclosure." NYC Penguins. . . [++link]
12:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
It's a very special day for us at Enormous Fun: Today is the first anniversary of the Enormous, Fun Weblog. For those of you who have been following this grumpy little project of mine from the beginning, thank you for your patience and support, and I hope that I have provided you with some diversion, perhaps food for thought, and a few instances of workplace-inappropriate outbursts. For those of you who have joined us recently and can't believe this is the result of a year's work, take a look at the beginning.
Yes, we've come a long way since those early days of ranting against the Taliban, mocking the Swiss and Tom Cruise, linking to nifty Flash games and UK news items, and Shitting Christ where did a year of my life go.
[++link]
5:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
All Hail ze frank. Note that the voice he's doing in that bit is verrrrrry similar to the discontented jaguar in Aardman's Creature Comforts. [++link]
10:56 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Hey, this is really Pat Buchanan talking. I checked. And he sounds rational. Check me on this; I've been sick and my processing equipment isn't 100%. [++link]
9:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
This would be a pretty cool date if we wrote it in the Euro Stylee. But we don't. [++link]
2:00 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Las Vegas apparently has higher standards for conduct than DC. [++link]
12:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Worst Job On Earth: Handling the manuscript slushpile for Star Trek novelizations. You'd think net fanfic and slash groups would provide the needed outlet for this sort of behavior, but one fears they only encourage and embolden the worst offenders. [++link]
10:43 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Is it cos I is Jewish? [++link]
12:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Go to the board and write out 100 times: Do Not Send Bushes to Japan. [++link]
1:58 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Happy Presidents Day. For the record, I still think Dubya is a moron, a tool of unscrupulous greedbags, and destined to be remembered by history as an embarassing footnote on par with his smirking predecessor. I am not alone in this, but I find myself in worrying company. [++link]
1:46 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Oops, I'm a legal adult and sick of being cutesy poo? [++link]
12:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Other activities that should be be medal events in the Winter Olympics: Ice Fishing, Men's Freestyle Pee-writing, Snowball Fighting, Non-Caucasian Spotting, and Viking Longsword Melee (try doing that shit in lycra...). We need some events the Austrians and the Russians will not be all over, besdies the half-pipe and curling. [++link]
12:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN
Day One:
Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.
[++link]
3:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Beavis: "Uhhhh, dude, that's not Ozzy. Ozzy's an old fart!" [++link]
11:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Joan Collins, who looks like Michael Jackson in Liz Taylor drag these days, is marrying some gold-digging bimbo not quite half her age. It will be her fifth marriage in fifty years. The '80s never really ended, just so you know. [++link]
6:43 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Well, since the coffee and chocolate scientists can't make up their minds, somebody has to find a way to ensure that I am fucking doomed. Family-values wingnuts, start your fluttering! [++link]
4:05 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Maybe you have to be a techie to enjoy George, or maybe just an editorial freak like Will and me. All I know is I've got tears streaming down my face for trying to keep workplace decorum and not laugh out loud every other ticket.... [++link]
2:21 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
First road rage, now this. My parents live in the Greater Boston area, and as such, I've been known to frequent the occasional Market Basket. So I can understand why one might want to get out of there as expediently as possible. Still, am I wrong, or is the world becoming a much crankier place? (And no, I don't think this counts as road rage. That guy clearly has deeper problems than anger management.) [++link]
1:57 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Customers get more than they banked on. Heh, heh. [++link]
1:24 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Hey: Louisa May Alcott short story about a Victorian Spacecake party! [++link]
1:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Secretary of State Colin Powell expressed a whole bunch of easily digestable centrist views on MTV the other day, it would seem. Good man. Gary Bauer and some other reactionary wingnuts are being tediously reactionary about some low-key and hard-to-dispute comments about rubbers, and some excitable liberals are kvelling about him being our First Black Prez. And those Canucks got their medal. Slow news week, I'm sayin'... [++link]
12:14 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
No roses on your doorstep this Valentine's Day? No eleventh-hour delivery to boost your spirits? Don't be sad; it's all for the best. [++link]
12:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"A person can often achieve a good sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm." Link c/o Ms. Dee, noted with gratitude. [++link]
12:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Happy Valentine's Day, and don't forget to write your letter to Juliet. [++link]
12:24 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
No one's cloning tapirs. No one's cloning tasmanian tigers. No dodo birds, no great auks. Billions of dollars are being spent to clone what? Sheep and fucking cats? If you don't know the easy way to make more cats, you aren't much of a scientist. Dude. [++link]
3:23 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Biology is not destiny. Neither is geography. Otherwise, this place could have shaped me like a psychosocial bonsai nursery. I could have been Anne Sexton with a minivan and a Kalashnikov. Thank Buddha for free will. [++link]
3:16 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Beware the pageant trolls, my son - the jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
[++link]
12:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Running neck 'n' neck for trial of the decade, we got Slobo and Johnny Three Names. The parallels here are, respectively, Manson ("You can't judge me! I'm in your children!") and Lee Harvey Oswald ("I left behind the moral corruption of the decadent US to... Hey, who's the fat guy with the revolver?"). (Ahem.) [++link]
11:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I bet we all have four or five words that totally ignite our murdering lizard brain. Mine are probably something along the lines of "orthodontist", "service charge", and "Lipinsky". [++link]
3:34 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
We knew he was cool. But did you know he was Dutch? God, I love imdb. [++link]
1:55 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
I meditate, because I am basically a fucking hippie. Sitting meditation is good, since I sit a lot and HH14 endorses it. I also drive a lot, and apparently that works too. [++link]
12:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"The worst thing that can be said about my country in one sentence is that, if you are going to characterise Americans in one sentence, you would say that they don't like any question that takes longer than ten seconds to answer." -- Norman Mailer, interviewed on BBC Newsnight and sounding much less psychotic. [++link]
10:49 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Wooooooooo! Happy Freakin' Mardi Gras! Duckman's got a pearl necklace for YOU, baby! [++link]
12:21 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Our stoners fucking rule! Count Chocula! [++link]
12:33 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
At current projections, within four decades one in 20 Americans may be a Mormon and there may be 50 million worldwide. Oh, dear. I'm hoping we can take two birds with one stone by fomenting a Mormon Crusade against the Scientologists. [++link]
12:20 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Development charity ActionAid is trying to patent a new ready-salted "chip" (Brits...), which by law would give them rights to any chip which has salt added, allowing them to charge chip shops for a licence to salt chips. They don't intend to start jacking chip shop owners, in fact; the point is to demonstrate via the old Reducto ad Absurdum why multinationals should not be allowed to patent crops.
[++link]
4:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Another Sunday, another major upset! All of us had Jenna down as a sure bet for first Bush girl into rehab. [++link]
11:18 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
"Big oopsy," you say. Big hint, kids: if he's the only one who hears the voices, maybe you should reconsider. [++link]
11:14 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
I think I'll be ill now...there doesn't seem to be anyone around. [++link]
3:08 PM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Illustrated on-line manual of sex positions featuring wooden figure-drawing models. Arty, kinky, and oddly tasteful. Nothing any of you deviants would enjoy. Just ignore it. [++link]
12:35 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Absolute motherlode of nifty, fun, fast-loading Flash games. It's Friday, you shouldn't be working anyway. [++link]
12:11 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Spend the best years of your life in the basement, learning to illegally access data files. Spend four and a half years in prison with murderers and rapists as a result. Get out, and find yourself pleading to be allowed a license to operate a HAM radio. I don't know how Mitnick keeps his head out of the oven. [++link]
11:54 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Addendum: on the same bad music website I posted in the previous post, check out at least one of the songs by Y. Bhekhirst. "Outsider" music, I think, is what the hip critic types call it. This guy repeatedly mutters a few phrases in a breathy half-tuned voice while twanging an electric bass with a sort of ambient meandering whisk-on-a-cymbal in the background. Also, he's French, but he sings in English. It sounds awful the first time. But listen more than once. Trust me.
[++link]
11:37 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Look. A website devoted to Songs that are Not Right. Thanks again to the world's best e/n site, MisterPants.
If you scroll almost halfway down that "Incorrect Music" page, take a listen, if you can bear it, to the abominable "My Bathroom is a Very Private Place", courtesy American Standard, the toilet people. I want the first couple of lines of that song for my answering machine. Or as an audio "away" message on my IM.
[++link]
11:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
And this is why I keep a medicinal supply of bourbon on hand. If they'd just sell me the damnable placebos... [++link]
11:43 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Wad Physics. Wad Physics. Wad Physics. [++link]
4:01 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Do you know Amanda Lepore? You must know Amanda Lepore. Amanda, Amanda, Amanda Lepore. (Warning: may contain nudity justified as fashion, trend, or even art.) [++link]
12:39 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Fantastic news! (If you have a cell phone and use your brain tissue to raise live bait...) [++link]
11:27 AM ++ posted by Anonymous ++
Once in a while this guy goes on a rant and says something brilliant. The top part is just icing, but man, read the last two paragraphs, starting where he mentions Enron. [++link]
10:11 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Wicked Programming Executives: You face the Tick fans, and we demand our lubricated blue latex defender of Justice! [++link]
12:42 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
"No combination of conditions" would allow for the release of wee Johnny Lindh, according to U.S. Magistrate Judge W. Curtis Sewell, who was kind enough not to guffaw or make reference to "Winter Olympics in Hell" or "monkeys flying out of my butt" while denying the little shit bail. [++link]
12:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Winona rocks the busted Catholic schoolgirl look at her court appearance. She is so researching a role here... [++link]
9:29 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Sheesh, I thought I was cranky before my morning caffeine. Compared to Norman Mailer, I am a Teletubby. Ten to one his mailman requests another route this week. [++link]
9:22 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Business travelers comprise five percent of the travelling public and account for 25% of seats sold. These frequent fliers now want "Lexus Lanes" for airport security: Joe Bizflier submits to a background check, and if he passes, a biometric identifier (e.g. retinal scan, fingerprint) can get him through an expedited checkpoint, freeing up Gomer Pyle, Aviation Security Grunt, to cavity-search the hoi-polloi among the other 75% of us. Why does Auntie Mugs think this is a bad idea? Because Robert Hanssen once passed a background check.
Now don't get Auntie Mugs started on the subject of national ID cards. Just don't.
[++link]
2:27 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Kickass Swedish slot car racing Shockwave game! (Build the track first using the segments at the top of the screen, then click the checkered flag.) [++link]
1:45 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Illustrious Texan Mr. Joe Bob Briggs explains Enron from a bidness perspective. How we have missed you, Mr. Briggs. [++link]
1:39 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Not much of modern life translates well into opera. This, for example, sounds like an appalling notion at first glance. But really, opera plots mostly boil down to people screaming blue murder at each other. [++link]
1:10 PM ++ posted by Maggie ++
Speaking of eggs, should you ever find yourself knitting sweaters for your pet poultry, please call us. Seriously. We're here to help. [++link]
9:22 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
I'll bet it goes really well with green eggs. (This one is worth it, just to learn that there is a place called "Kinki University".) [++link]
9:08 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Once again, the Editor-in-Chief beats me to the story (and probably comes up with a better line anyway...I wouldn't have thought of Miss Cleo). The additional penalty I pay for my lack of quickness on the Delphi tip is that I have to scrounge around for goofy shit like this to blog. Sure, he gets to be the editor, but I get to use links with the word "quack" in them. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. [++link]
3:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
If you were ever wondering why he lives in a pineapple under the sea, here's your answer. [++link]
11:42 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
The Oracle at Delphi was apparently on top of a natural gas leak, meaning the Pythia were all high as fuck while dispensing their Miss Cleo. They had a pretty good hit rate nonetheless. Then again, the ages have probably buried all the wackier stuff they said. [++link]
4:48 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
Fuck Camus and his "invincible summer". Next winter, I am here. All over it. Any hobby involving chainsaws has to be good for the soul. And when you're getting a maximum of four hours of sunlight a day, and the national drink could fuel the aforementioned chainsaws?
Oh man, I am sooooo there.
[++link]
3:46 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++
So it's taken me three months to find the lyrics to a song I can't get out of my head. So much for asking that moron Jeeves. [++link]
1:51 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
She's just kidding. Really, who in this world has less need for pole-dancing lessons? [++link]
1:44 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Anybody want a 1.8 ton marble statue of Baroness Thatcher? (Complete with handbag and helmet-like bouffant?) They apparently can't properly install it until she dies... [++link]
12:58 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Wondering why Trillian isn't working quite right lately? The answer shouldn't shock you. [++link]
12:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++
Former SUCK supremo Tim Cavanaugh blathers about the warbloggers. Halfassed, but a decent primer. [++link]
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