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Saturday, September 29, 2001

5:16 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

You'll need RealPlayer for this, but it will prompt you. When I want my facts checked, I go to NPR. Long live public radio.   [++link]

5:13 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Yes, but the Nostradamus thing is certifiable bullshit. Alas, the server at Brock University was overwhelmed with requests for the original essay. I had to dig it up with Google. Fortunately, it wasn't that hard, as the debunkers scramble to keep up with the urban legenders and other crock purveyors (shame on them).   [++link]

Friday, September 28, 2001

2:19 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Lots of bullshit and fakery going around re: 9/11. Pathetic. But that face in the smoke pic is apparently bona fide.  [++link]

12:08 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Between hoof 'n' mouth and the events of 9/11, the outlook for the UK tourism industry is looking pretty sickly. This could have unexpected benefits in the end, however.  [++link]

12:02 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's good to know that in these times of trouble, the world has not forgotten that there are other horrible bastards deserving of justice.  [++link]

Thursday, September 27, 2001

11:31 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

It must have been the cuckoo clocks...  [++link]

11:26 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

More for that big fat "Duh" file on the corner of your desk. I don't know what's funnier: the fact that a picture of "President" Shrub accompanies an article about "intelligence", or that the word "Tool" appears in the headline. Maybe I need more coffee while I think this over.   [++link]

6:53 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

This is ancient history by Web standards, but I think in light of recent events, it's canonical status is confirmed: Kissing Hank's Ass.  [++link]

6:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

No, not the octagenarian action hero. The other Charles Bronson.  [++link]

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

5:38 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Prozac killing your sex drive? Don't worry, Eli Lilly's only about five years awayfrom solving that for you. I'm sure the girlfriend will wait around.  [++link]

5:34 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Britain hasn't had wolves, beavers, or bears wandering the countryside for decades. Some folks think that should be corrected.  [++link]

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

11:59 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Me know me should na say it, but me say it anyway: Booyakasha.  [++link]

10:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update: Relax fellas, no one's talking about "toppling" you and installing a "puppet government" once we've "danced ourselves to exhaustion on your graves". We just dug out the former King of Afghanistan because we like his mustache. You're so uptight these days...  [++link]

1:37 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hey, that Vulcan Death Grip pain in your shoulder? That's referred pain from clenching your jaw and grinding your teeth. Stop reading the news sites for a bit, OK? Go for a walk, or try a site with lots of dumb games with monkeys and swearing.  [++link]

1:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Those of us who are paranoid and have huge issues with authority are predictably concerned with lawmakers taking advantage of public concern over the currently open-ended and ill-defined conflict we seem to be strolling towards. Savvy investors: Now's the time to invest in companies that build and service minimum and medium security prisons.  [++link]

1:21 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

About 50% of our arline pilots are ex-military anyway, so giving them guns isn't the worst idea ever, right? Since they have axes anyway...  [++link]

12:48 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Don't know what to make of all this warmongering blather? Ask the celebrity cricketer's wife, or ask Noam Chomsky. (Scroll down to the last two.)   [++link]

Monday, September 24, 2001

1:58 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Lesser-known signs of the impending apocalypse: Hermaphroditic Moose!!!   [++link]

1:55 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Again, I don't recall asking...  [++link]

1:52 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Let's hope this puts an end once and for all to the "write what you know" school of composition.  [++link]

11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

"We've got to go after the guts of this. This could be like a planaria. If you just cut off it's head and it regenerates another head, that's not going to be very helpful." -- U.S. national security adviser Condoleeza Rice, talking waaaayyyy over the heads of the Fox News audience. (Registration may be required to view that link, but you should be registered for the effin' NYTimes anyway)  [++link]

11:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If you're feeling guilty about turning off the telethon the moment Dave Matthews came on, you can always give blood or buy a really bitchin' comic book.  [++link]

9:38 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The high tech sector appears to be adapting to new circumstances by turning to effective strategies from the past, i.e. war profiteering.   [++link]

9:33 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update 2: Good time for smart investors to buy short on Afghan opium.  [++link]

9:30 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update: I don't mind telling you, in all the months I've been doing these terse little "Taliban Update" entries, I never once thought that the international community would do dick other than "strongly disapprove" of whatever fresh viciousness got cooked up in Afghanistan. What the hell did I know. Mind you, this has nothing to do with the Tallies' autogenocidal crimes against Afghan women or threatening life sentences for aid workers; it's all about their famous lodger Usama. It's a bit like laying siege to OJ's mansion to make him hand over Kato.  [++link]

8:50 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Like King Arthur or Frosty the Snowman, we always knew he'd be back again someday.   [++link]

Friday, September 21, 2001

12:43 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Some small good has come of these recent events. Life seems more precious, Rudy Giuliani seems less like a pinch-faced witch hunter and more like a leader, and Baltimore has been saved from an inexcusable eyesore of a theme bar.  [++link]

12:39 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The New York Press site is back up, after ten days or so in "No address for" limbo. Normally my favorite part of NYP is Taki's column, since he is such a smug, smirking, unreconstructed right-wing patrician ass of entitlement. He also filled the space left when the Onion cut T. Herman Zweibel's column. He sounds chillingly like a different man this week.   [++link]

Thursday, September 20, 2001

2:48 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Good dogs.  [++link]

12:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If we're going to move on from this and keep our shit together, we have to agree on what is reasonable caution and what is blithering hysterical idiocy.  [++link]

12:09 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Two of my favorite writers and their eloquent if very different takes on last week's events: Martin Amis and Hunter S. Thompson.  [++link]

Wednesday, September 19, 2001

11:39 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Ted Rall is a really funny guy. Then there are times when he neatly slices your guts out.   [++link]

11:34 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Now here's a headline I hadn't expected to see in this century. I got dizzy and had to put my head between my knees - old habits die hard, I almost went to kiss my ass goodbye.   [++link]

11:27 AM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I don't recall being interested. Anyone else? Anyone?


Uh huh. I thought so.   [++link]

9:25 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Our pals at Salon are reporting that our nation's college students are not, repeat not swarming the recruiting offices to volunteer to be grunts in the upcoming conflict. Expect a sister article tomorrow reporting that America's unemployed blue collar youth are not planning ski trips for winter break.   [++link]

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

11:33 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I'm making an effort to cheer myself up so that I can, you know, be productive on the job and hold conversations with my friends. I suspect the things that put a smile on my face are not universally effective, however.   [++link]

11:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Thank god someone finally asked Liam Gallagher of Oasis about last week's events. I myself was lost without the perspective of a beetle-browed imbecile from Manchester whose boring, awful band hasn't done anything but cash royalty checks and buy country houses for however many years. Thanks for dropping that wisdom, Liam.  [++link]

3:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Falwell has "apologized" for blaming tuesday's events on anybody who ain't a God-Fearin' Christian. I can't see why he bothered, since really, no one's on the fence about his fat cracker ass.   [++link]

1:13 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Best joke so far from the LaughLab project: "A woman walked into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one."   [++link]

12:12 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Got a song stuck in my head. This ain't no party.  [++link]

Monday, September 17, 2001

2:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I don't have a solid idea of how often I heard ambulances or police sirens before last week, so I can't be sure if I'm hearing them more often. Every time I hear them now it's like having all the air sucked out of my chest, and I can't breathe right for a few minutes.  [++link]

9:40 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

A great deal of thought has gone into consideration of the Internet as a theatre of war. And then there are the sort of pasty, friendless zap-heads who need to be forcibly engaged in the outdoor world.   [++link]

9:23 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Not that I am prone to paranoia or delusions, but I am starting to feel an eerie sense of vindication in my well-documented twin obsessions with the Taliban and the Swiss.  [++link]

9:19 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Wise words from HH the Dalai Lama, which will doubtless have less effect than piss in the wind.   [++link]

Saturday, September 15, 2001

1:10 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

I really don't know what's more disturbing: their failure to understand the true nature of Islam, or their failure to understand history.   [++link]

Friday, September 14, 2001

1:55 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Speaking of midget-brained, hatemongering fuckwits...  [++link]

9:19 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

John Updike was in Brooklyn on Tuesday, and had a fine view of the towers going down: "My wife and I were staring at this dumbly and suddenly the whole thing gave a little quiver and disappeared."   [++link]

12:13 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

I was blathering on the other day about going to cheer a friend on in the Marine Corps marathon, and how unsettling it was to see the streets of DC lined with uniformed soldiers and military vehicles, even if they were just there to provide cold drinks and lube. I'm staying on my side of the bridge for a while, I think.  [++link]

12:03 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Saw a skinhead in full regalia stamping down the sidewalk over by Ballston tonight. He looked pissed; he was probably looking to start some shit and couldn't find any of my Middle Eastern or Asian neighbors to fuck up. If I were into that whole Aryan anti-ZOG thing, I wouldn't be doing much to call attention to myself right now. I don't mean to bring up old shit, but those guys held the record for domestic terrorism until three days ago. How soon they forget. You can bet my neighbors all remember how calm and rational everyone was after Oklahoma City, and they're keeping a real low profile just now.  [++link]

Thursday, September 13, 2001

5:41 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update 3: Hacked.  [++link]

12:17 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update 2: The story linked below is not being carried by any other news sources, including notorious fact-checker Drudge. Forgive my momentary lapse of skepticism.  [++link]

9:32 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update: Thanks, you fuckers. Hope you put him someplace far, far away from anything you don't want vaporized.  [++link]

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

2:30 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

How dare you try to teach me Java? I thought this was just a blow-shit-up game.   [++link]

2:24 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

For your "Duh" files...  [++link]

11:39 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If you hear any of your friends talking this sort of shit after, say, Friday night, start discreetly watering their booze and keeping an eye on their extracurriculars.  [++link]

11:16 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

AP Photo: Woman evacuates her Cavalier King Charles Spaniel from lower Manhattan disaster zone.   [++link]

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

6:03 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Where was I when I heard the news about the World Trade Center? Sitting on my ass in front of the computer, finishing my second cup of coffee, checking Ananova.com. This would have been about 9:15 am. I was trying to get the Washington Post page to load when I heard sirens heading down Route 66 toward the city. Lots and lots of sirens. I wasn't thinking about the Pentagon, I was thinking about the Pennsylvania Avenue. Got the whole story once I'd walked to work. Spent the day watching CNN and scouring the Web with my co-workers. Got hold of all my family members, the only one in any difficulty is my dad, who's stranded in Seattle until air traffic resumes.

Whosoever fucked with the Great Satan this morning has done a terrible and foolish thing. My greatest fear now is what we will do to pay them back.  [++link]

9:01 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Screw being an orc or a mage or a space marine. Fire up the computer and be a wolf pup. Arrrrrrrrr...  [++link]

Monday, September 10, 2001

10:27 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Well if Mother Teresa did it, it can't be all that bogus, right? (Don't miss out, speak out! Scroll down to the poll.)   [++link]

10:23 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

PETA had a meltdown a few weeks back over the Stile Project posting a really awful documentary clip of a kitten being... Of something really bad happening to a kitten. I'm not linking to any of that; if you're curious you can go find it yourself and don't say your Kindly Uncle William didn't warn you. Anyway, found this link on Stile's page today. I'm gonna sic PETA on these guys so hard they'll shit cruelty-free for a week.  [++link]

3:38 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

OK, this is a link to the personal page of a pharmacology researcher in the Netherlands, whose work may save many lives in the near future. And I am so petty as to be calling mocking attention to his name.  [++link]

9:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Thanks to the wonders of the Web, you now have unprecedented opportunities to read gleeful meditations on morgue work over your morning coffee. At least I do...  [++link]

9:14 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

(ahem) HEY! YOU! PILLHEAD! It might not be all the clubbing and drum 'n' bass and strangers' thighs clamping your skull that are what's fucking up your hearing...  [++link]

Sunday, September 09, 2001

10:22 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Post c/o my brother in Los Angeles: "WE JUST GOT HIT WITH A 4.2 EARTHQUAKE RIGHT IN OUR BACK-FRICKIN-YARD!!!! (Biggest one we've had since we got here!) The cats are still freaked out. Whistle looks like an inflatable porcupine and Tootsie's hiding behind the media center. Lights flashed, stuff shook, a couple of pictures fell over. It was swell! Today we are Angelenos!"   [++link]

8:21 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

How to draw traffic to your site: link to something that will piss off every Trekkist fanboy who ever wore gold velour. "Sulu! Fondle! The! Enterprise! Now! Damn You!"   [++link]

2:11 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Speaking of pointless research, I'm doing the definitive study on Movies in Which Brad Pitt Gets the Snot Beat Out of Him (and trust me, it's much more fun what those limey weirdos are up to in Jane Austen Land.) For the sake of pure academia, I made the sacrifice of watching "Snatch" again last night for the gazillionth time. Compounded with this, I am motivated never to eat pork again as long as I live.   [++link]

1:54 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Okay, so our Fearless Leader and Most Enormous Funster beat me to the punch with the who-gave-them-this-grant scientists post. My sentiments exactly: why would anyone with enough smarts to be a research scientist want to read 4000 copies of "You Might Be A Redneck If..."? I just hope that these guys have a lot of fact-checkers on the project, because not everyone is as anal about attribution as George Carlin.   [++link]

1:31 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

For your "Nothing Sacred" files...  [++link]

Friday, September 07, 2001

12:58 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Scientists are looking to the Internet to find the quantifiably funniest joke ever. Brave. I'd rather pull a cookie sheet out of the oven using my scrotum as a potholder than even consider the idea of spending a year sifting through 1 billion iterations of the same crappy joke lists I get forwarded every time an aquaintance gets his/her first email account.   [++link]

12:44 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The IMF protest roadshow is coming to DC at the end of the month. How scared are the cops? Pretty scared.  [++link]

12:24 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Feel that? That's a million British schoolchildren creating a 3.0 earthquake by jumping up and down.   [++link]

Thursday, September 06, 2001

12:09 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Once again, this week, it's official: we're doomed. And yes, the Observatory Center had that name years ago, don't start with me.   [++link]

Wednesday, September 05, 2001

11:56 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It seems that knowing when to shut the fuck up is not going to find its way into fashion this season.  [++link]

11:19 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Very little about politicians' peccadillos shocks me; my best friend was once a White House intern. But this caught my eye... I really don't know what's scarier: the fact that someone went to the trouble to develop this formula for an extended gag, or the fact that my friend the Beltway Bandit economist actually went through and checked the math. Maybe the fact that his boss sent it to him trumps both.   [++link]

9:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The IRS has fired the losers it contracted to handle your return after finding out they dumpstered 40,000 returns in a hysterical fit because they thought they were getting too far behind schedule. Tell me that is not the work of hungover high school dropouts from Manpower. I'd be laughing like a hyena on mescaline if they hadn't cashed my check already.  [++link]

8:53 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's not every day that you get to call Prof. Hawking on some bullshit, and it would appear that brighter and better than myself have jumped on that bandwagon. Get a cup of coffee: heavy reading ahead.  [++link]

8:47 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Hashing in Amsterdam: Not what you're thinking at all.  [++link]

8:43 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

It's a damn shame that Steve Railsback is too old to play Terry Nichols in the Oliver Stone version of the Oklahoma City bombing. He'd be great; he'd get that "I'm a repressed, fussy little goon with a head full of crappy wiring and no concept of remorse for my inhuman actions" thing pitch-perfect. Ollie will probably use Joe Pesci.  [++link]

Tuesday, September 04, 2001

11:30 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

If you're thinking of perhaps developing a political sensibility and want to start easy, you can't go wrong with taking a stand against litter. You'll at least get used to people mocking your beliefs.   [++link]

10:02 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

So next time you are travelling far from home and you miss the bourgeois comfort of indoor plumbing, consider this. And just what are we to make of the expression, "built like a brick shithouse"? Porcelain be damned, give me my drywall.   [++link]

8:40 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

Yuppie Scum Market Report: "Beemer, honey? The bad news is that we may have to cut back to three double-grande triple skim latteccinos per week. The good news is we can afford another housekeeper." Good luck getting that amnesty bill passed now, Mr. President.  [++link]

8:36 PM ++ posted by Mugs ++

For the "Ave atque Vale" files: The woman who made it socially acceptable to appreciate Bad Movies and to dis Woody Allen (pre-Mia). Personally, I loved her for hating Dances With Wolves, but maybe that's just me. Salute her with a big-ass bucket of popcorn with real butter, none of this air-popped shit. I think she would have wanted it that way. R.I.P. Pauline Kael.

  [++link]

4:29 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

They're a bunch of snarky, misanthropic, po-faced shits at PETA, but they apparently do have some concept of when to shut the fuck up.  [++link]

9:34 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Taliban Update: Send $50 to Amnesty International.  [++link]

9:29 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The more I read about experimental teaching techniques, the more I realize that it's pure luck that I can read and spell.  [++link]

9:11 AM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Dr. Hawking has been out of the news for a while, which led me to think he was busy thinking huge thoughts. Well, bigger than this nonsense. (Hier auf Deutsch.)  [++link]

Monday, September 03, 2001

12:31 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

The Germans are really shitting it this week.  [++link]

12:05 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Health Update: Chocolate is good for you again this week.  [++link]

Sunday, September 02, 2001

3:09 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

Creepy British Puppet show that haunted my childhood rises again.  [++link]

2:25 PM ++ posted by Uncle William ++

What you have here right now is the Shiny New Enormous Fun Weblog, which I have modified using Blogger so that the EF roving reporters can contribute entries directly with minimal editorial interference. I have done this because the blog was getting stale and also because I am so very confident and self-actualized that I don't mind the world knowing that my friends are all smarter and funnier than me. Enjoy.  [++link]

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